Friday, July 24, 2015

Dante Vs. Nature 54

People are as dumb as nature is dangerous. A 43 year old woman from Mississippi got her ass flipped in the air by a bison at Yellowstone National Park because she decided to take a selfie near one. This is the fifth person just this year to get a taste of zero gravity because for some reason they think that bison aren't dangerous. You know what I see when I look at a bison? Angry history. Ain't no bison in Africa. That shit isn't in my DNA to be okay around them. Black people get tattoos of lions, tigers, and dragons because those are native to Africa so deep inside we feel some kind of connection. But not no damn bison.

This lady was standing six yards, or in layman's terms “Too goddamn close!”, to one when she took her picture, tasted the rainbow, and got some minor injuries. A district ranger named Colleen Rawlings said “People need to recognize that Yellowstone wildlife is wild, even though they seem docile. This woman was lucky that her injuries were not more severe.”

I don't even want to be in the area of bison. They look like hell-bears. I'm not sure if hell-bears is a thing in the bible but they should be because they'd look like bison. If I saw one of my friends trying to get a selfie with one of these I'd just find the nearest high spot and wait for the show to start. Then I'd talk mad shit on the way to the hospital. Don't be stupid. There are a lot of ways for me to shuffle from this mortal coil and being cartwheeled by a monster is not one of them.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.

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