Thursday, July 2, 2015

Dante Bitches About Elle Decor


The family pictured above is not the actual family discussed in this post. Dashuh sent me an article from Elle Decor in which a writer by the name of Sarah Scott talked about the pain of having to make a huge sacrifice to have her dream home. I will include parts of her post in this. When I first read it I thought it was a gag article. When Dashuh first sent it I wondered why the comment section was on fire because of a woman talking about what she and her husband had to do to get their dream home. Then I read it and my eyes were rolling so much that it was hard to focus on what I was reading.

By the way, I will say that Dashuh does not support the views expressed in the article because she is a logical human being.

“We built a luxury dream home but can only afford to have two children. Most people do not understand this statement.”

This is very true. Most of us are smart enough to never say that out loud to friends let alone write about it in a widely read magazine (online). I mean, who still reads magazine? What is this? 1998? Also, what is this “luxury” you speak of? Does it come in bacon flavor?

“My husband and I purchased our dream home entirely on our own. Money wasn't gifted for our down payment nor did we expect that. There is a certain sense of pride that comes with saving up, living off canned food for an entire year, buying consignment instead of new, and then making your dreams a reality without any handouts. By our early thirties, we were able to sell our first starter home, to build the fully-loaded luxury home of our dreams.”

Oh, good for you! I totally said that Christian Bale style. End of story! Right? No. She has established that she and her husband survived living off of canned food to be able to get their dream home. Most people do it just to live...period. Also, she had to buy consignment instead of getting new things. The horror! And they had to wait until they were in their early 30's to sell their starter home. The shame of it all! What country would make a family live this way? Thanks, Obama...

“With that said, certain sacrifices had to be made for this dream to come true for us. The first being that we can only afford to have two children. We are able to afford one family vacation a year (using a timeshare that we purchased in full as newlyweds). We kept to a budget for other large expenses that came with our latest move like a ride-on lawnmower, gardening supplies, a fenced in yard for our dogs, and a generator. Our happy children have everything they need (not everything they want) and I am able to stay home with them while they are young because of the carefully premeditated financial choices we have made. None of this just happens. We prioritize, stick to our plans, and are teaching our young children about self-control by living as their example.”

I hate this lady. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word. Or not strong enough. Its time for Evil Dante to finish this because I just can't deal with this.

So this bitch is upset that she can only have two kids? There are a lot of people that can't have one kid let alone two! And it is because their bodies physically can not do it, they can't afford a surrogate, all those science treatments to have kids, or because if they have one more mouth to feed they will all starve. A yard for her dogs? Fuck outta here. And who the fuck has a generator? When my family lost power we just lost power. I don't give a fuck who you are, if you have a lawnmower that you can ride on that means you are rich and have a lawn so big it needs a machine to carry you.

“However, our story comes with a deeply rooted secret. We weren't planning on this change of heart when we purchased our home but we would like to have one more child. My uterus literally aches despite the fact that logic suggests we can't afford it right now. After talking it over, and trying to adjust the budget, we have come to the conclusion that the decision to buy our dream home last year has eliminated the possibility of having any more children. Unless circumstances suddenly change, in order to have one more child, we would need to downsize. This would mean another move and tearing our two kids away from the house they now call a home. And it would mean that I would need to return to work full-time, taking away from the quality time our two children enjoy having with me and putting them (and the hypothetical third child) in daycare which my teaching salary would probably just barely afford. Our annual vacation would disappear because we would need to sell the timeshare to make up the difference.”

Whah! They can't afford a third child! She doesn't have the ability to not have kids. She can but maybe she'll have to put the dogs up for adoption, but then what would she do with her fenced in yard?! What of the yard?! They have realized by having their dream home, the motherfucking dream home, they can't afford to have another kid. The rivers will run salty with the tears of those that sympathizes with her tale or woe! There are a lot of mothers out there that do not have the option to stay home and take care of their kids. That shit is rarer than a burger from Umami. Wait. Did this bitch say “annual vacation” and “timeshare” in the same sentence? Oh, fuck you!

“Understandably, something has to give and unfortunately, in this case, it's our mutual dream of having another child. My husband is able to accept this, I am not, and to be honest, this has caused some heartache. I have begun to resent the dream house and our decision to buy it. It's a strange mourning process I can't really discuss openly with others, mainly because people our age often don't plan as meticulously as we do. I certainly don't expect others to understand and I am beginning to move past it, but then a beautiful newborn is set in my arms and I have to start the process all over again. Sometimes, I can see us living in a smaller, older home somewhere, selling this one, and adjusting to accommodate life with a third child in a home that is definitely anything but a dream, but then I overhear our boys having a blast playing in our big, beautiful, safe backyard, or listen to their laughter billowing out of the colorful playroom space we have created and designed just for them, and I know this was always meant to be our forever home. This is the American dream and we are in it, living it, every day, just the four of us. With that said, the sacrifice has been made. Because we live in this dream home, we can only afford to have two children. It's our quiet sacrifice but it's also our beautiful life, well-earned and fully-lived.”

I wish Bane were a real person so he could show up at her door and scare the shit out of her. This isn't me being mad that this lady and her husband were able to do what most of the country can't. I'm annoyed that she has the nerve to even begin to bitch about what she doesn't have: an extra kid. She has a husband she doesn't want to kill, two healthy children with no random fucking mental illnesses, a huge roof over her head that she has always dreamed of, and she has the ability to stay home and raise her kids. She can go straight to hell with her complaints. If I were her husband I would have suggested she not post this.

I just want to shout at her “You have everything you want! You want more?! Tough shit!” She must never leave the house, watch the news, or talk to someone that has real problems. I can't begin to sympathize with this lady. If I had a friend like this I'd grab any random person off the street and say “Tell my friend here your story.” I don't want her to feel bad, but stop bitching about having a little bit of dust on your goddamn diamond.

Click here for previous Dante Bitches Post.

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