You ever watch those PETA videos where
they show cows being punched in the face and chickens kicked across
the pen? I know you have. I haven't because though I may be an
alcoholic failure I'm not willing to put myself through that kind of
torture. So yeah. I've watched a few of those videos. They get real
bad and I cover my eyes but then I quickly realize that the sound is
way worse. That's what this is like. All we can hear is the soldiers
roaring, women screaming, and the sound of rubber on flesh.
I just described someone's favorite
porn.
Happy Hands takes my hands and I don't
snatch them away this time. I think Saucy and Joseph may be saying
the same prayer. Beef is moments from breaking. Google looks way too
calm while Bing is giggling a little bit. Me? I'm prairie dogging.
I'm touching cotton. The big brown man is knocking at the back door.
This is terrible. One by one the screams stop but I hear the ball
still hitting the wall.
“Give up” Mr. W. Scott says.
“Fuck off, dad” I hear Softy say as
she shuffles.
I slowly turn and watch as the most
perfect woman I've ever met dodges left. She dodges right. One of the
Marines tosses high and she does a Matrix type back bend. She looks
over at me and winks at me. I wink back. She licks her lips. Mr. W.
Scott looks at me and I give him the finger. Everyone cheers and he
breaks his clipboard in half over his knee.
None of that happens.
I hear a grunt, the sound of face
meeting rubber, a body hitting the ground, and cheering and high
fives of a military manner.
“Well done, soldiers” Mr. W. Scott
says. “You have served your country well. What you have shown these
disturb individuals will go far in their journey to becoming at the
very least presentable members of society. Look!” he shouts. We all
turn. The ground is littered with bruised women. “All of you,
against the wall. Now!”
I walk over to Softy and she is slowly
getting to one knee. I walk over and try to help her up. She slaps my
hand away until she sees who it is. I smile at her and she smiles
back.
“You look like shit” she tells me.
“I probably smell like it, too” I
say. “You look kinda hot with blood on your face.”
“Against the wall” Mr. W. Scott
says. This guy has to have been trained by a ninja! “And you”, he
says to his daughter, “go clean yourself up.” Boobs comes and
helps Softy away. “And you, Mr. Thompson.”
“Yes...?”
“You are about to be introduced into
a world of pain.”
Me and the rest of the guys line up
against the wall. All of the women are against the wall. Inky rolls
her tongue around in her mouth and spits a wad of blood on the
ground. She smiles at me. Boobs is holding Softy up. Boobs smiles and
a shiver runs down all of our spines.
“If my homosexuality wasn't confirmed
before seeing that poor girls face it is now” Saucy whispers. Happy
Hands chuckles.
“I'd still hit it” he says.
“The Lord is my Shepard...” Joseph
says to himself.
“The Lord can
not save you right now” Mr. W. Scott says. “No god conceived by
man will be able to help any of you right now. Not Anpu. Not Enki.
Not Helios. Not Krishna. Perhaps Černobog.”
“Its a Slavic god of evil in their
mythology, before you ask” Google tells me.
“Thanks” I tell him. “But I only
pray to one god.”
“Who?” Bing asks.
“Dionysus.”
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