Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Old School Cereals 2

I wouldn't trade in the amount of cereal I got to eat as a child for these kids today that have the internet. I wrote about some old ass cereals from my youth before (click here to read that) and while trolling the internets I saw one cereal I hadn't thought of since I was about 6 years old and that got me into a web of looking at delicious foods that no longer exist.


This was one of those cereals that I think the company was like “We got all this damned Chex and don't know what to do with them!” They added some marshmallows and next thing you know you have this. They did the same thing with that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal. It wasn't bad but by the time you were done the marshmallows and “spiderwebs” tasted the same.


Until I saw this picture I honestly forgot that this cereal existed. This was like Rice Krispies on meth. It had three different tastes and textures. It ranged from “this might crack one of your teeth” to “this will for sure crack one of your teeth.” But they were good. The trick was to let them sit in the milk for about four minutes before eating. My brain remembers these tasting great and being considered “healthy” compared to all the other shit I shoved into my cavity riddled piehole as a child.

Fruit Brute

The bastard cousin of Franken Berry, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry. This guy gets no love. They don't even bring this back around Halloween here in the U.S. This should have been chocolate but it wasn't. It was like they took all the other scary cereals and said “Fuck it. Just slap it all together. Add a werewolf. Kids'll love it.” I barely recall eating this but know that I have.


This was another one of dozens of cereals that came out based off of a cartoon or movie that had a specific shape but tasted like regular ass Cap'n Crunch. And they got me. I had a box of this while it was on sale and loved it because fuck you it's Batman. I have two Batman tattoos. I love Batman. I have loved Batman since I was a child. I want Batman in my mouth again. No. That's not what I...

Deep Sea Crunch

You like Crunch Berries, bitch?! How about a whole bowl of them shaped like....sharks? Fish? Brontosaurs? I'm not quite sure. They could have shaped them like assholes and I would have eaten them. It had a fruity taste to it and not a hint of actual Cap'n Crunch in them.

Pac Man

These were like someone took the idea of Kix, added sugar, and tossed some marshmallow bits in the sumbitch. These were good but I don't remember them being around for long. That was the problem with so many cereals in the 80's. If you didn't get your hands on them in a month or two they seemed to disappear.

Strawberry Shortcake

These tasted so good! This was one of those magical cereals that made me drink all the milk in my bowl because it became sugary strawberry flavored milk. The only problem I can recall was that some of the puffs could be three times harder than others so I would be chewing all happy at 6am watching cartoon and then crunch!

Fruit Yummy Mummy

This was one of those bootleg ass cereals that came and went fast. It tasted okay but the mixture of vanilla marshmallows and fruity cereal was just too much that early in the morning.

Honorable Mentions

Rainbow Brite

Breakfast Bears

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