These guys look like they were built to
hurt other people. Let 'em try. I don't even care. I'm gonna destroy
this shit. Okay. Maybe I won't. This sucks. These guys are gonna make
me look bad in front of my woman. I can not let that happen. I'm just
making headway with her. I think. Yeah. Right? She likes me. Sure,
she kneed me in the dick but she kissed me a few seconds later so
that means something.
“Wow” Saucy says.
“What?”
“You were monologuing” he tells me.
Shit.
“That was all out loud?” I ask. He
nods. Mr. W. Scott walks over to me which is weird because I can see
him moving. He stops a few inches from my face and spins facing the
soldiers.
“Three months pay for whoever removes
this man first” he says and walks away.
“That doesn't seem right” Happy
Hands says. Softy is eyeballing her dad the entire time. “I'd hold
your hands but you seem to have a very large target on your back.”
“His back if he's lucky” Saucy
says.
“I'm dead” Beef says. “Look at
those guys. They eat people like me for lunch.”
“Now you know how nature feels about
you” I say.
“Nice to know that in the face of
certain death that you are still confident” Google says. “It
makes no sense but its admirable.”
“It is” Joseph says.
“It must be really bad if you're
admiring me” I say. “I think I have a plan.” They all scoff.
“If this was a movie you'd all face me and I'd give an
inspirational speech that would lead us all to victory.”
“Be a pretty shitty movie” Bing
says.
“Its barely a TV show” Saucy says.
“Fuck it” I tell them. “I'm not
gonna let these assholes beat me.”
“That's the spirit” Saucy says.
“Quiet” Mr. W. Scott hisses. “The
women will be allowed to watch.” I know he's doing this just to
prove some kind of point to me and or Softy. “Every drop of blood
you lose can be replaced with one that is far more useful than the one
gone. And you will lose blood. Most of it if I have my way.”
“I don't feel good” Beef says and
immediately projectile vomits on his shoes. We all jump away from
him. Inky laughs. Mary crosses herself. Boobs makes a face that makes
her face seem worse than her normal face. Softy just watches.
“Begin!” Mr. W. Scott shouts.
Beef is the first one down. While he is
bent over vomiting he is hit on the top of his head. He falls against
the wall and gets it in the face. He covers his face and gets two in
the stomach. He slumps over out cold. Bing jumps over his body and
slips in his puke. He twists his ankle and starts screaming. A ball
to the face shuts him up. Saucy uses Joseph as a human shield. A ball
smacks Joseph right between the eyes causing his head to snap back
right into Saucy's nose. Saucy squeals and shoves Joseph to the
ground.
“Bring it!” Saucy roars. And they
do. He dodges the first three balls but the fourth gets him right in
the baby maker. Its a pretty big target. I may or may not have taken
a gander earlier. He goes down. Google stands still and spreads his
arms. Three shots in a row to his face and he's done. Now there's
just me.
And that big ass ant.
“What're you looking at?” I ask it.
It just shrugs at me.
“Break him” Mr. W. Scott says.
No comments:
Post a Comment