Saturday, February 13, 2016

The Sexual Frustration Is Real

Some people are just a little too damned freaky for me. These two for example. 21 year old Chloe Scordianos and 27 year old Frank Panzica were arrested after some workers saw them getting super freaky on the High Roller Ferris wheel in Las Vegas at 3 in the damned afternoon. Workers spotted them on camera smoking and getting naked and told them to cut that shit out. 

At first they did then started undressing again because you're not gonna not fuck on a Ferris wheel, right? So they started boning while people in a cabin nearby started filming it because dear Playboy, people have no self control and you won't believe what I just recorded. They were told to stop and Frank responded by going down on her. When the ride ended, figuratively and literally, security held them until police showed up. They got slapped with commission of certain sex acts in public which happens to be a felony. They were both released on $3,000 bond. Oh, and Chloe has a 3 year old son because not enough bad decisions were being made. You know, I can see a chick that looks like this doing what she did. Its in the eyes. And he is just trouble. Look at him. That is the look of a man that will do everything possible to make sure people know he is fucking in public. I'm just saying. More information! Frank was in Vegas with his own chick and thought she was pregnant with another guys kid when he met Chloe! 

The next story is one of those kind that make me question just how much testosterone is missing from my skinny fat body. 63 year old Donald Marvin Johnson of Georgia who is automatically suspect because he has three first names was jerking it while driving and ended up crashing into a van. 

One witness says she saw Donald swerving before the crash because sometimes you get that good nut going and you don't wanna stop. Women don't know! She says he almost hit her a few times before the crash. She also says that she saw him jerking it which makes me question how this woman was able to control her own vehicle while being such a Nosy Nancy. 

And look at his face. How could she not want a look at this slack jawed bag of hotness? He ended up being arrested for public indecency and is being held on $11,200 bond. It also turns out that his nasty ass was convicted o the same shit back in 2008. Its funny. For me once I leave the house my dick pretty much doesn't exist. I'm not gonna get so riled up no matter how tight a chicks yoga pants are that I'll whip it out in front of folks.

And last we have 48 year old Chao Gao of Florida. She and her husband of about a year Joshua Sinclair were heading to their new home when she decided to confront him about a sex toy that she had found. Chao was driving and multitasking. And by multitasking I mean she was hitting and scratching him while she was driving. She was pissed not because he was using the sex toy, but that it was for her to use. Ooh, damn. This lasted for a half hour. Imagine some angry ass dame doing this to you for half an hour. That's ten boxing rounds! 

When they got to their lovely new house he called police. He had bruises, scratches, and all the other signs of being attacked like a bitch on his nose, lip, nose, forehead, and right eye. She got hit with misdemeanor domestic abuse. This is one of those times it pays to be a chick because if the tables were turned his ass would be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in jail until his trial date. 

Here's the kicker: she runs a daycare center. She is free until her arraignment in March so I am sure these two will be having a very fun Valentine's Day tomorrow. “Hey, remember that time you attacked me because I wanted you to use a sex toy and you got arrested? That was crazy, right?!” I wonder if he left it out for her to find or was tired of having the sex or what. There are so many unanswered questions! Either way I wish them the best...which is a lie. Whenever you hear someone say that its not true. Just so you know. 

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