Pretty simple. As one of the few Black guys on this damned board I will answer any question you've always wanted to ask a Black dude but didn't because: 1. You don’t know any. 2. You were afraid to get punched or jumped. 3. You know better.
How does it feel to be the only Black man with a small penis? Is that too racist?
Not racist at all. Actually my own is large(ish) but not all Black guys have large ones. I worked in a porn shop and have watched tons of porn flicks. I feel bad for Black guys with small dicks because when they get down with a chick there's this expectation already set.
Did you get teased being the only black guy on the short bus? Oh btw there's this black guy where I work and he sells flowers, do you know him?
There were plenty of Black people on my short bus. One year we actually had to ride a small bus (#45c) and people teased the shit out of us. It sucked but we had the hottest driver so that helped. And not all Black people know each other. I still get that in real life. I have a very common last name and anyone named Ross is somehow my cousin or some shit.
Why are there so many black guys (and girls) with stupid names?
See, I can sit here and mention how many cultures have crazy ass names. There are people from countries everywhere that have names that make me go "...the fuck?!" But, yeah. Blacks tend to have some ghetto ass names. The reason is usually "Its African." That was the old excuse. Now its just mothers being stupid. A messed up name can stop you from getting a job. Names that end with "-isha", "-niqua", and "-quisha" tend to match the person. So blame the parents for the names and the kids for not changing them when they grow up.
Is it true all black men secretly love 80’s pop music and when no one white is around, the ghetto fab gangsters sitting on the bench in the projects bust out the best of the 80’s and dance? "You spin me right round, baby right round like a record, baby Right round round round." Cuz, ya know, I've heard things.
It is very true. If you read an interview with the hardest rapper it turns out they grew up on NWA, Public Enemy, and Wham! I loved Culture Club. My brother raps and as badass as his Muslim gangsta music is, I know for a fact that he grew up singing "Wake me up before ya go-go!" All Black men have a little Carlton Banks inside. We probably know more 80's songs than White girls our same ages.
When is the right time to strong-arm a hoe? What the hell is this (image of Farnsworth Bentley)?
The Y2J situation is a good example of when its time to knock someone down a notch. "Hoes" in general tend to hang with men that manhandle them and bitch and moan about it, but still stick with them. I know. I have plenty of them in my family. If you're gonna stronghold or "choke a bitch" make sure she doesn't have a gaggle of brothers. Or worse, cousins. Cousins just don’t give a fuck.
That is Farnsworth Bentley. I don’t really like his rhymes but I do like his style. Very few can pull that look off successfully. The thing is that you have to be rich to do it or know where to get rich looking clothes. Being broke and dressing rich don’t mix.
Why does B.E.T. still exist?
Because Black people love watching other Black people no matter how stupid or uninteresting they are. UPN stole a bit of their thunder with their lineup for a while but eventually it failed. Also, having a channel like this just pissed people off as there is no WET (White Entertainment Television), CET (Chinese Entertainment Television), or MET (Mexican Entertainment Television).
Oh and why do you guys always put stuff in your hair? What happens when you don’t?
Depends on what type of hair you're talking about. I tend to shave my head so if I don’t put oil or lotion on it gets ashy. Grease helps keep hair from looking dried out. If the hair is permed and you don’t condition it properly it will look fried and 'fro up. Plus, Blacks are very vain about our appearances whether its good or bad.
Do all black women have 3 inch long fake nails? And do all black people have a "Big Momma"? And what do black people REALLY think about Tyler Perry and his constantly wanting to play Aunt Madia in all of his movies?
Not all of them but a lot. My girl had some long ass nails and I convinced her to finally get rid of them. It was a waste of money and ruined her actual nails. Most Blacks have a Big Mama. Mine is big literally and I don’t call her "mama." Sometimes a woman in the family like an aunt or grandmother will become the big mama of the family. Black people love Tyler Perry but suspect he's gay. I don’t get any gay vibes from him though. But Black people love him enough to bootleg his films and still see them in theaters.
As a black man, which do you prefer: asian girls or white girls?
I'd pick a White chick over an Asian, but a Latina first. In Little Tokyo near Downtown here the Japanese chicks live Black dudes but only the thug ones. I am so not thug.
lol Have you seen the show The Whitest Kids You Know? If you have how do you feel about how they portray black people in their skits?
Yes, I have seen TWKYK and that show is funny as fuck. I never get offended by how Blacks are portrayed in things. If I were easily offended I wouldn’t have started this thread. I just wish more Black actors played more non Black roles in things. We's all ain't talk like dis!
HIGH FIVE TO YOU MAN!!! Fuck you just made my list, seriously, I love the shit out of that show. And I agree with you completely, they need to stop playing the unintelligent and unoriginal ethnic rolls. Last question, boxers or briefs?
Depends on the situation. If I have to tuck my shirt in I will find the tightest draws I have. I hate having a bulge that shows. Oh, the cross I must bare! Boxers all the other times, especially while dancing. Gotta let 'em feel it on their ass!
You seen their second season? Sorry I lied about that last question actually being my last. Also what was your favorite episode or sketches from Season 1?
"Gallon of PCP." And these aren't Black questions...
Fine then, do all black people think drugs are cool? And do all black families have a crack head in the family?
No, not all Black people think drugs are cool. That's an odd question. Maybe the oddest one yet. Not all Black families do, but my sure as hell does! I have an aunt that would steal my grandmama's house if she could put it in her purse and run off with it. Almost every Black person I have been friends with has a crack head in the family but not every Black person I have met.
I've only got one question I've always wanted to ask. Why are some of you so loud?
Because we grew up in loud ass houses! My entire family is loud except for me because I don’t like loud people. My cousin is loud as shit for no reason at all. Some Blacks do it because we know it bugs other races. Like, if we see you acting nervous before we open our mouths we will then give you what you were expecting. You have no idea how many robberies would not be committed if someone didn’t look at a Black person like "Please don’t rob me..." Its the principalities of it.
Do you feel ashamed after getting outplayed by a white dude in basketball?
Someone with hooks for hands could beat me at basketball. I am the worst Black man to ever get on the court. I was awesome at volleyball, baseball, and bowling. Basketball? No. I have seen my brothers get pissed when any other race was as good or better than them. I don’t get why. We have baseball, golf, tennis, football, and track.
Living in L.A have you ever been pulled over by the police for no reason? Do you think in the year 2009, that you have finally overcome? What do you think is the biggest misconception white people have about black people?
That’s funny. I just blogged about being stopped by the cops while walking to cash a check. Mistaken identity, a good old favorite for Black dudes. Almost every Black has been stopped DWB (Driving While Black) but I have been stopped WWB (Walking While Black). And when they handcuff you that make sure its tight as possible! I was laid off in late 2008, so I'm still waiting for 2009 to start. I haven't overcome shit. Obama being president made Blacks feel good for a moment. Otherwise, SSDD. I think the biggest misconception is that we all are mad. I have known so many Black people that became mad just because of the way they were treated before anyone got to know them. Whatever you think is bad/good about your race Blacks feel the same way. Its just that ours is shown on the news more.
Why are there so many black people that love anime and cartoons, and somehow maintain their ability to not be a nerd?
Because we physically cant look like the characters we love in anime! That shit sucks so hard! Who am I gonna dress as? Popo? Every single convention I gotta be Popo?!
Seriously, one of the best things about being a fan of manga and anime is dressing as the people and if you're Black it just isn’t possible. Plus, the discussions Blacks have about cartoons aren't as in depth as other races. It goes like this.
"Vegeta would whip Naruto's ass."
"Fuck you, dumbass. Voltron would beat the both of 'em."
"You are a ignorant ass, you know that...?"
How do black people feel about Tiger Woods? Are they actually proud that he's good at golf?
For some reason Black women were more excited about him than guys. Then that came to a screeching halt when he hooked up with the Whitest White woman in Whitesville, USA. If he had a dash more Black in him that would probably change. His dad was ultramega Black but Tiger doesn't look Black at all. Shenanigans!
Pretty much everything I know about Black/African Americans comes either from TV or big serious books, so I hope these questions aren't TOO dumb. Has anyone asked you any of these questions before? I notice you use capital 'b' "Black" (and "White"). Is there a difference between 'black' and 'Black' or is it a personal preference? (Told you some of these questions were going to be dumb, but in Ireland there is a difference between 'unionist' and 'Unionist', so I thought I'd ask).
I tend to use a capital “B” just so people know I am talking about a race, and not a color. That’s just about it. I hate being misunderstood and will try to be clear before misunderstandings can occur.
Are Black American and African American the same thing?
No one says Black American. Some still say African American but you can never go wrong with just saying “Black.” If someone corrects you they are just looking for a fight and being an asshole.
What do you think about Eminem?
I liked Eminem but only in small doses. He was funny and good sometimes but I would never see a concert or buy one of his albums.
What do you think about Will Smith?
Will Smith is awesome. He’s funny, I loved his show, I grew up listening to him rap, and have seen almost all of his films. Nothing wrong with him. People hate him because of that.
Did OJ get away with murder?
OJ totally got away with murder. I am one of the few Black people that say “Fuck OJ!”
How do you feel about Africa/Africans/African culture? Some Africans I know regard African Americans as their successful cousins and worship the ground that Tupac/Biggie bled on, some couldn't care less, but how do African Americans feel?
Blacks like being African when they can make money off of being African. Years and years ago everyone had the Africa medallion and screamed Black Power. I didn’t care. Africans hate Blacks, Blacks hate Africans. As a comedian once said, their ancestors just had a better hiding space.
Do you think being Black has/will affect your chances of getting a decent new job? (Good luck with that).
Being Black only affects me being hired when they see me. My name and resume doesn’t scream a race. If someone doesn’t hire me because of my race, fuck them. I don’t need or want Affirmative Action to get a job. And thanks for the well wishes.
Where do names like Beyonce come from? Are they purely American I mean? There are a lot of names associated with Black Americans that I've never heard of outside the US.
The Beyonce thing goes to the question someone asked about bad Black names. If some mother says its African you cant argue with her. Just nod and walk away.
How American do you feel? Are you proud to be American? Proud to be Black?
I have never felt proud to be American or Black. I am more proud to be half Native American than anything else. Gives me the ability to hold my firewater. Being Black is fun and not at the same time. It sucks knowing someone hates you or wont speak to you because of the color of your flesh. Their loss. I’m a cool ass friend.
Which of these questions of mine seemed oddest/dumbest to you? As your TRE near twin, I will know if you lie.
And the weirdest question for sure was the Will Smith one. That shit was way out of left field.
How does it make you feel that everyone on this forum is trying to be like you? I considered doing an "Ask an Australian" thread but these things are getting a bit ridiculous - already. Plus, I'd probably only get questions about kangaroos and dumb shit like that.
(another poster) It's just business as usually. Black man comes up with something and everyone else steals it and makes it their own.
I had no idea this would happen. I'd be flattered if it weren't for the fact that I know my thread will be bumped to the bottom soon...
Do you find people making fun of Black people who are dark as night, amusing? And do Black people make fun of other black people depending on what shade of black their skin tone is?
Yes, I find it hilarious. My late brother was super black and I made fun of him about it all the time. I don’t care what skin color you are, the is someone always blacker. Black people find the person darker than them and make fun of them. I knew a girl so dark she was purple. She grew up all kinds of hot.
If I remember correctly, you live in L.A. right? Were you born and raised there? If so, how old were you during the Rodney King riots and what do you remember from it? Did anything happen close to where you live(d)?
Oh, God. Yeah. I was born in raised in South Central. Or as the news now calls it "South LA." I was about 12 when the riots happened. I was pissed because I was supposed to go clothes shopping the day it happened. The riots started down the street from my aunt and a bit away from where I lived. They burned down almost every shop in my area except for this one liquor store. The one at my school bus stop was torched and they just threw the videogame machines in the alley! I didnt riot. My mother kept me inside. My brother got some hats and paperbags. Kids showed up to school with all this new shit. I had nothing. It was a crazy ass experience and I hope it never happens again.
why do black people riot so much?
Misguided anger. Lots of us blame other races for our own issues. Like, during the LA Riots, why didn't people jump in their cars and go riot at the courthouse where the verdict was handed out? They just went outside and burned the nearest spot. It was stupid and solved nothing. Then folks had the nerve to get mad when no one wanted to rebuild in the area. Now anytime a Black celebrity is in court the city wonders "Are these Colored's gonna act up again...?" It sucks. Yeah, so we riot because fire looks cool.
Are you a black man that still loves the sista's? And why the fuck do black men find white women more attractive than black women? Black women are just as hot as any white woman.
Yes, I still love Black women. Black women are the hottest form of female on the damned planet. Add a little bit to any race and it makes her even hotter. I find women from all races hot in some way or other. Black men dont find White women more attractive. But we know that women from other races will put up with shit no Black women would. Look at most Black athletes. It also depends on how you grew up. Some guys grew up around loud ass Black women with attitudes and it drives them towards a more subdued race of women.
Why can't Black families raise a damn Black woman to be less aggravated?
There's some steps that have to be taken first. Alright. Find a Black woman and get her to have a great father. Have her father stick around and raise her to respect herself. Otherwise you have a bitter ass woman that will have kids with any man that sticks it near her vajayjay and gives birth to a daughter with the whole "Niggas Ain't Shit!" mentality and continues the exact same cycle her mother had. In Black families you can have 34 year old grandmothers because of this shit. When you see mad ass young Black women they are just acting like their mothers.
Do you take the Chris Rock stance of loving other black people, but hating niggers?
Not to that extreme, but I understand what he's talking about. DL Hughley made a more valid point in one of his stand ups when he said "I got a brother to handle my money and taxes. But if some shit pops off, I'm lookin' for a nigga."
Do you like Chris Rock? Personally his voice annoys the shit out of me...and his stupid grin.
Chris Rock is one of the funniest and most honest comedians in the last 20 years. I love his style and his voice doesn't bug me at all. I just dont think he should ever make movies. Like, ever.
Ok, I'm shocked this hasn't come up yet. Where do you think the Black community stands on Micheal Jackson?
I think he's guilty as fuck. That dude is a damned weirdo. But for some reason Black people do not wanna admit he's been playing with little boys' booty holes. This goes for most any famous Black person. Blacks just refuse to admit guilt. But OJ Simpson cashed in his last ghetto pass with that shit he pulled last year or so.
What's your opinion on the portrayals of black on the Boondocks comic strip/animated series?
Boondocks is funny as hell. I wasn't a huge fan of the comic strip but I love the cartoon. As for the protrayal of Blacks on the show, they cover a wide spectrum of the behavior some Blacks do have. Like how R. Kelly is innocent even though there is video of him pissing on a girl. Or how Not to trust or hate on light skinned Blacks.
What's a Nubian?
A very arrogant way of calling something Black. The word Nubian has a real definition but is rarely used in its actual context. Like someone saying, "Look at that fine Nubian princess!" I'll never call myself or anyone Nubian unless they are actually from Nubia. And I dont think that place exists anymore.
What are your thoughts on the reverend's jesse and al, as well as "wiggers"?
I cant stand either one of them. If Blacks were as successful as they claim they wanted us to be they would be out of business. Everytime something "offends" them it automatically becomes something every Black person should jump on and join them with. Fuck that. If you've ever seen a stand up with Eddie Griffin, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, or Robin Harris, you know we dont offend easily unless we wanna start some shit or didn't like you to begin with. And "wiggers" are funny because they act Blacker than I do. They are the equivalent of drag queens and real women. They take something good and turn it up to 11.
Do black girlfriends really do outlandish things to your vehicles when they find out you are cheating on them? And do they really throw your clothes out on the street if you two break up over the phone?
I dont drive so I have no personal experience with a car being trashed. But it did happen to my brother. This chick fucked his car up! He had gotten back with his woman and she found out and shattered all of his windows with a baseball bat. Clothes get thrown on the street whether or not a phone is involved. I have never gotten the super vengeful breakup. I had an ex break up with me and take almost everything she ever bought (including the shower curtain) out of my place. She changed her mind and I was like, "Well, you kinda already moved out so..."
If Season answers in the affirmative, then I'm definitely Blacker than I thought. And hey, why am I making all the effort in this twin thing? Season, you have to meet me halfway and Irish it up a bit. I expect you to post photos of yourself wearing nothing but a shamrock and a smile, forthwith, or at least a pic of yourself lying passed out drunk on a nest of whiskey bottles.
Okay, now let me sound racist for a bit. The whole getting drunk and passing out naked and shit? That's a White thing. When Blacks get drunk we'll probably fight a lot or laugh. Whites get nude and do all kinds of mean shit to each other like drawing on each others faces or sticking their dicks on their heads while they sleep. There are no pictures of me passed out. No nude pictures of me. Sorry.
What do you think about the success/lack of success of Black pro wrestlers?
I think its kinda sad. If they are Black and wrestling they have to talk jive, act like a thug, or a savage. The same goes for Samoan wrestlers. Its not like its hard to get a good Black athlete and just let him go in the ring and entertain you. Every character has been let go. Farooq, Boogeyman, Booker T., and Bid Daddy V. They only want guys like Cryme Time, Ron Killings, Shelton, and MVP. I like MVP and Shelton but they are not close to being big time though they have had a taste of it at times. This goes for non Black wrestlers. They got one Korean guy and he has a redneck gimmick.
I just remembered one. When I was a waiter a black guy called me a "nigga". I didn't think about it til later on in the night when I suddenly realized it was a bit strange. The dude was cool so I figured he just meant it in a "dude" "man" "bud" kinda way. Think I'm right?
It depends on how, when, where, why he said it. It could just mean he is one of those ignorant ass guys that use it like "dude" or "man." I dont use the word. The sad thing is that guys will hear that word so much that they start to think its cool for them to say it. Which it's not. That word used in the wrong hands is like playing with a loaded weapon.
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