I love watching Cops. Why? Because I like watching people do dumb shit. I like watching people in situations I will never be in. Well, I hope I’m never in these situations. I cant imagine a situation where I’m running my Black ass down the street wearing baggy shorts and no shirt with house shoes jumping over fences while a K9 until is nipping at my heels. Yes, it sounds exciting but hopefully it never happens. Here are some interesting things I have learned from watching Cops and various things involving the law man.
You Make ‘Em Chase You They Will Hurt You
If you are gonna run from a cop, make sure to put all your energy into it. I have sat and watched a high speed chase for three hours only to have some goofy bastard jump from the car and start jogging away. I have seen people run for the bus with more gusto! If you’re gonna book it, book it as hard as you can! Run hard, run long. Don’t jog and frolic away. Because when they catch you, just for making them run, they are gonna beat the shit out of you.
Wear Appropriate Clothing
Much like the baggy pants, people tend to get in trouble with the law while dressed in shit I wouldn’t wear to take the trash out. You cant escape in flip flops. Have you ever heard about someone the cops are looking for someone described as wearing house shoes? No. Because you cant run in house shoes! Wear sneakers or boots and for God’s sake tie your laces. Imagine almost getting away and then tripping and landing on your face. This is why in so many mug shots people have bloody faces. Its not always the cops that do it.
People fall down.
Get Your Story Straight
You cant say you just met some guy that sold you drugs and then have him say you’re roommates. It doesn’t add up. If you’re gonna do a drug deal or pick up a hooker make a short story up. Say you just met at a bar or club. Don’t say “Oh, I was just giving her a ride somewhere…” We all know folks ain’t that friendly.
Just Fess Up
Admit it. Its your crack. The cop didn’t plant it on you. No one slipped it into your pocket. Just tell the damned truth. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “He planted it on me!” No, you planted it on you and grew a whole new set of problems.
Shut Up
If you get pulled over for speeding and a cop asks you “Do you know why I’ve stopped you?”, he doesn’t want your life story. He asked a simple question. “You pulled me over ‘cause I got a couple body parts in my trunk and some blood in the backseat! Oh, and ‘cause I’m Black!” I’m watching Cops right now and this dude had his wife call because he’s drunk and acting stupid. They show up and he’s like “I got weed in my pocket.” They didn’t ask. Then they tell him to go inside, his wife and baby will stay somewhere else for the night. He goes “Cool. Can you tell her to give me my money?” The hell?! Shut up, and go inside! Finally he tells the cops to just take him to jail. Really? They say no. He asks again and they oblige. Then he changes his mind. He wants to go inside. They toss him in the car and he starts banging his head on the door. Come on, man…
I have been handcuffed once but not arrested. I’ll post that story eventually. They thought I was a bank robber. Yeah. Anyhoot, stay out of jail.
Rockets.
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