Name Game Shame

New Jersey - The father of three children who have names associated with Nazis is accusing the state Division of Youth and Family Services of taking his children under false pretenses and says one of the kids appeared neglected when he saw them last week.

Heath Campbell told The Associated Press on Saturday that he and his wife, Deborah, have been allowed to see their children once since state child welfare workers removed them from the family's home on Jan. 9. Campbell said his 2-year-old daughter, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, appeared sick and had a runny nose and dirty diaper when he and his wife visited the children last week under the supervision of state social workers. DYFS has not said why JoyceLynn and siblings Adolf Hitler Campbell, 3, and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, who will be 1 in April, were removed. Kate Bernyk, a DYFS spokeswoman, said Saturday that confidentiality laws prevent the agency from commenting on specific cases.


I remember hearing about these kids a couple months ago maybe when they made a big stink about a place refusing to put the kids Hitler name on a cake. Ugh, I just ate a hollow Whopper. Sorry. Like childhood isn’t hard enough, you know? Do you really need to have “Aryan Nation” and “Adolf Hitler” in your name?

Years ago this comedian (some of the smartest people on Earth) once said that for people to get certain things (driver’s license, have children) that you should take a test and receive a IQ card. This is not a bad idea. Especially when you have people pretty much being made to be a punching bag from birth. God, I can only imagine what the hospital said when the parents told them what they wanted their kids to be named.

I know that celebrities give their kids odd names. Pilot, Apple, Sailor, Puma, Fifi, Kal-El, and Audio Science. I am dead serious about the last one. Some kid has to go through life known as Audio Science. I mean, I would rather be called something that sounds like an extra credit course than Hitler. Can you imagine that first day of school? Or explaining your full name to your girlfriend later?

“What’s your middle name, Adolf?”

“Uh, its kinda a crazy story…”

“Well, its not like its Hitler or something.”

“Okay…”

My name is Dante and that was bad enough. I’ve heard “Dante’s Inferno” references my entire life, long before I even picked up the book. You can only make fun of for so long before you run out of crap to say. Don’t give your kids stupid names, people. Rockets.