Saying "expert bull rider" is like calling a jockey a “professional horse stayer on’er.”
Rain makes the city smell like pee and booty.
Cruisers in West Hollywood love me. I think they smell the “straight” on me and consider me a challenge.
Turning 30 and being unemployed is a bad combination.
Chuck Norris facts make me laugh.
My girlfriend said that I snore. That should be the least of her concerns when sleeping next to me.
I hate the saying “You cant miss what you’ve never had.”
Why is it 2009 and we don’t have metal pants?
I still don’t get obsessions with breasts when thighs are right there!
Skinny chicks nude does nothing for me. As Quagmire says “Not even a wiggle down there.”
Why don’t gang members ever hit their actual target?
Anyone that drives a white van is a rapist, creep, or moves a lot of shit for friends.
Texas knows how to do a high speed chase!
Without getting too graphic, I love the smell of…
Watching safety videos makes me laugh.
That lady that had 8 babies doesn’t wanna be a celebrity or hand outs. So of course she has a site for us to donate to and keeps herself on my TV.
Got my digital converter coupon in the mail.
I made $18,000 last year but still owe $100 to the IRS. How in the fuck that happen?!
My bald spot is growing in. Now I am entertaining the idea of growing my hair for a month.
I found a bucket of laundry detergent under my sink. I am happy.
What would happen if you licked a light socket? Super powers.
When did peanuts get so damned deadly?
I need money. I’m just sayin’…
They just found a bunch of fossils at the La Brea Tar Pits. Is this shocking?
My boxers think that my junk is some strange form of whack-a-mole.
Coffee cleans you out if you know what I’m saying.
Facebook sucks and I don’t know why people use it.
Why aren’t Black folks in lotion commercials? We account for 98% of the sales. The other 2% is babies and chronic masturbators.
Why don’t they show what toilet paper is really for on commercials?
Sizzler is a rip off. Just go to Carl’s Jr.
Why are casino commercials so cheap looking? They have money!
2 comments:
excuse me? sizzler rocks! you can't get cheesebread at carl's-wanna-be-flame-broiled-jr!
stuff that in your hat and wear it, mr. ross!
How dare you knock Carl's Jr?! I'm not saying Sizzler tastes horrible. But tehir prices are way too damned high for what they are selling. And their service has dropped dramatically. You should never have to wait half an hour to get a drink. And I dont like their cheesebread. Put that in your hat and call it macaroni.
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