Dante Saves You: Insane Clown Edition

Aliens, ninjas, dinosaurs, giant monsters, crazy movie terrorists, vampires, evil animals, psychos, and crazy ass robots. Is there anything left for me to--oh. That’s right. Insane Clowns. Yeah. This is an interesting one. I personally have no fear of clowns. I know people who hate them and people that are fucking terrified by them!

Coulrophobia is a fear of clowns. I’m gonna learn your monkey ass how to take these crazy looking things out. Now, be warned. If you have a fear of clowns this is going to be the best and worst blog you’ve ever seen. Its fucking full of pictures of evil ass clowns and will make you pee a little in your pants.

Kids These Days 3

In previous blogs (which you can see by checking here for Part 1 and here for Part 2) I’ve discussed things that kids these days will not understand or will be gone very soon. I have to admit that some of the things that I list weren’t exactly better than what kids have, but having these “older” things taught me things like patience and savoring. This is my final installment in this series.

Dante And His Weird Dreams 2

I recently posted about the first crazy ass reoccurring dream I had that involved racecar shoes and a knife wielding monkey that killed my father. This other one that happened way too many times involved me and Apache Chief from the Super Friends cartoon. Why? I don’t know! It just did.

I don’t even like the character of Apache Chief. He grows. That’s it. You know what? I can grow too! In my pants. So anyhoot, in this dream I have the feeling that me and Chiefy (that’s my cool nickname for him) are cool with one another. I felt like we were friends. Like we bonded. He could tell that my grandmother’s were Native American’s and felt a sense of kinship with me.

Would You Riot For Shoes?

There was a riot at a Florida mall over some new shoes (Only In Floridaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!). Now, this is some shit that has been going on since I was younger. People would get fucking killed over a pair of Air Jordan’s which to me is up there with being killed over, well, shoes. Seriously, what a fucking retarded way to go. It’d be like being stabbed over some Penny Loafers in 1984.

Old school stab worthy.

People are going crazy over these new Nike Foamposite Galaxy that glow in the dark and cost $220. Yes. Shoes that glow in the dark for fucking grown ass people. You have to be out your goddamn mind to wait in line for a shoe unless you live in, like, Africa and a shipment just arrived for your village.

Dante And His Weird Dreams

When I was a kid I had some strange ass dreams. They were far more vivid than the ones I have now. I recently had one that involved pirates, a hovercraft, and my best friend. That was a cool ass dream. But when I was a youth there were two dreams that fucked my head up something fierce.

Now with this first one I’m gonna talk about is one I had so many times and each time I woke up freaking the hell out and burying my head in a pillow. In hindsight the dreams aren’t even scary. Its actually really goofy. It involves a monkey and shoes with wheels. Yeah.

Dante Discusses Whitney & Chris

In this video blog I talk about Whitney Houston, gas prices, and Chris Brown.

Hatering On Catering

There was this story on the news about having catering trucks pretty much banned from school campuses because kids are too goddamn fat. They will have to park at least 1,500 feet away from schools. Now this bothers me for multiple reasons. Mostly because not only are catering trucks friggin’ awesome but because if it weren’t for them I would have starved as a child. And been hungry at my brother's funeral. Seriously. I got a burger at his funeral. I was grieving, okay?! Don't judge me.

Tears are a great substitute for salt!

The school I went to from 4th to the beginning of 10th grade was Mid-City Alternative. During lunch time they had a catering truck that would arrive downhill and we would race to it to eat such delicious treats like Mucho Machos, burgers, fries, or big ass root beer sodas. If it wasn’t for the $1.25 ($3 on Fridays) I wouldn’t have eaten. Know why?

Dante And His History Of Violence

In this video I discuss the multiple times I've had a weapon drawn on me. Yay!

Ghost Rider Spirit Of Vengeance Review

I don’t know how they did it, but Marvel managed to make Ghost Rider lovable. I feel the need to defend the fact that I actually sat through this movie. Yes, I know it stars Nic Cage who has been steadily proving that he can get work even though he is now a terrible actor. But the whole crazy thing he does? Its getting really old and messing up movies that have the potential to be good.

I liked the first Ghost Rider movie…from what I remember. I don’t recall hating it. But this one, Ghost Rider Spirit Of Vengeance, is just garbage. What was I expecting? I thought I was gonna see Ghost Rider setting shit on fire and smacking bitches with his chains. Story? Not sure. I’d honestly like to see him just riding around the city catching criminals and giving them his Penance Stare.

"In three minutes you're gonna feel terrible!!!"

He does do the stare but it takes forever to do! They explain this power through a shitty animated sequence at the beginning. Yes, a shitty animated sequence…from a movie…by Marvel Comics. They should be shamed of this. “Why the hell are you so upset about this movie?” you may ask. To which I reply “Because I fucking love Ghost Rider!” I used to draw this guy all the time. Its hard to fuck him up but they’ve managed to for millions of dollars.

This is the face I make after drinking apple juice.

So the story, which is something that any hack could’ve done, is a kid is going to be used by The Devil/Roarke to tranfer power and end the world and blah blah blah. Crap. Idris Elba is totally wasted as a drunk monk that wants to help Johnny Blaze (that’s Ghost Rider in human form who acts crazier than the demon version) gain his soul back and not be the Spirit Of Vengeance.

"Your mom really shouldn't have left you alone with me."

The kids mom is all like “No, not my innocent child that I conceived with The Devil and use to help me pickpocket people!” Blaze agrees to help. Now, the one thing I will say looks well about this movie is the effects used for Ghost Rider. But that cant make up for the weak ass story. As soon as you know the plot you know how this ends.

The bad guy. You can tell because he has an accent. 

So later the ex boyfriend and not father of the kid that will help end the world…one second while I rant. The ceremony that is going to end the world is attended by very rich and evil people. Justice League Doom is the first movie to address “Why would we help you end the world when we cant spend money?” These guys are just like “Whaevs. Let’s do this.”

Idris Elba with his Jamaican, French, English voice handing out guns. The drunk guy...with the weapons.

Anyway, Christopher Lambert (who they say had three months sword training which would be cool if he used it in the film) is in this as a bad monk but not really since he wants to kill the kid too because he knows its evil. The ex boyfriend becomes the villain Blackout who no one knows about. He can rot stuff.

What. The. Fuck.

Drunk monk, mom, and Johnny Blaze who no longer is the Ghost Rider get a bunch of guns, because that’s what monks collect along with wine for fun, and attack the evil people. The kid helps Blaze become Ghost Rider and a chase ensues that goes on for way too long and ends with The Devil being sent back to hell. The boy seems to die but Ghost Rider saves his life. Happy ending!

"I'm telling your motheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer...!"

This movie was done by the directors of Crank. You know that movie right? Yeah. Why would you give these two the money to make this pile of flaming shit? You cant have Nic Cage in human form out crazy the fucking demon with the flaming skull! It would make so much more of an impact if he was a normal guy (think Bruce Banner in The Hulk) who went nuts when changed. It cost 57 million and made 22. You know that awesome movie Chronicle? Costs 12 million and has made 51 million in three weeks. Marvel, cut the crap, okay?

Dante Saves You: Psycho Killer Edition

Robots, evil animals, crazy movie terrorists, zombies, aliens, giant monsters, vampires, ninjas, and dinosaurs. At this point you should be a certified killing machine. Which is a good thing because that’s exactly what you’ll be learning about. Psycho Killers. Yeah. This one is gonna leave you with a few scars.

Now psycho killers come in all different shapes and sizes. This is the one list where it really doesn’t pay to be a cute, White chick. But I’ll still help you. Or try to. Some of these bastards are supranatural which is way more powerful than supernatural. If you get that joke you win the internets for the week. So let’s get started on asskickery!

Justice League Doom Review

Once again DC knocks it out the damned park with their animated films! I saw the trailer for Justice League: Doom last year and was so damned excited. It wasn’t the Legion Of Doom from when I was little that was all super cheesy. These guys (and gals) were like “We are gonna wreck shit and wreck it well!” And, by god, they so did. The wrecked everyone so damned hard. I should probably describe the story.

Batman finds the Royal Flush Gang robbing a vault and using technology that is way out of their league. Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and Flash all show up and whip their asses. Oh, and Cyborg is there because Batman’s all like “This kid has potential.” Speaking of Batman, he is all banged up and refuses help from the League and heads home.

When he gets to the Bat Cave trusty Alfred is like “Dude, you need to rest.” Batman doesn’t know it but Mirror Master snuck in the rearview mirror of The Batmobile and hacks his computer system. Next thing you know Bane is walking through a swamp and has to whip an alligators ass. Star Sapphire shows up as well as Cheetah, Metallo, and Ma’alefa’ak whose name I refuse to type up again. The Legion Of Doom base rises and they enter.

Vandal Savage offers each of them ten million to fight their respective foes. They don’t get why he’d pay for something they do all the time badly. He explains that he has a plan to destroy two thirds of the planets population. Oh, and the thing that was hacked in the Bat Cave? Nothing. Just the files on how to take out every single Justice League member.

Bane shows up at Wayne manner and beats the hell out of Batman and buries him alive in his parents coffin with their corpses still inside! Superman has to help a suicidal man who turns out to be Metallo in disguise who shoots him with a Kryptonite bullet. Wonder Woman is infected with nano-bots that make everyone look like Cheetah. Green Lantern fails at saving a woman and loses his will to continue. Flash has a bomb jammed through his wrist and it will blow up if he stops running. And worse of all Martian Manhunter drinks something that makes him sweat a fuel and he is set on fire which burns continuously.

Now to explain why this is bad. Batman has to punch his way out of a coffin while staring at his parents corpse which will wreck any human. Superman--do you really need me to explain why a Kryptonite bullet is bad? Flash will blow up anything within three miles if he stops running.

Green Lantern’s ring is powered off of will. Martian Manhunter’s weakness is fire. Wonder Woman will continue to fight until she dies. Cyborg saves her (and has his arm ripped off) and Batman informs them all that he created the plans to defeat every member of the team.

Now, this doesn’t go over well. Its pretty honked up that Batman has a way to take out each of his teammates. Vandal Savage lets his team know that he cant die and that the money he is giving his team will be worthless but that he will give them control over society. They’re cool with that. He tries to launch his missile and the League show up and try to stop him.

This movie was awesome. I never thought that Cyborg could be cool or that Mirror Master could be dangerous. Yeah, he was using Batman’s plans that were stolen by Savage but whatever. It was still great. They squeezed so much information about each character and their motivation for wanting to defeat each other. I never thought Cheetah was dangerous until now. If you can check this out do so as soon as possible.

What If You Could: Fly?

While watching superhero based films we have no choice but to imagine what it would be like to have one. Recently I watched Chronicle which is probably the best example of the latest movie to make me imagine having powers. Its not like I need this as a reason to imagine myself flying through the air or knocking someone through a wall. I do that anyway. Constantly. They say that men think about sex like a ton of times every few minutes. Me, I think about punching someone so hard they explode about twice a minute.

Miles Daisher getting it right.

Let’s say I get powers. Flying for example. I would never be at home. Mind you, I am ignoring all the scientific shit that people like to mention like “You’d hit birds and planes!” Write your own blog where you imagine yourself with powers that suck. I believe that with this one power I would be able to rule the world.

I could totally fly as a teen.

“How could you rule the world just by flying?” you ask. Because I’m the only person in the world that can do this, stupid. This isn’t like Marvel where 7 out of 10 people have mutant abilities or Heroes where its 9 out of 10. There’s just Dante with his ability to fucking fly around the world whenever I want. Now, I’m not including super strength…this time. Just my regular strength.

Getting it wrong.

How strong am I? Pretty damned strong. Not to brag but--fuck that. I will. I’m strong as shit! To quote my mother after I pushed a car by myself to help my cousin get it started at the age of 12 “You strong like them retarded kids!” Never accused her of being politically correct. Since then I have lifted furniture that would take three people to move and lifted women who thought they were unliftable (new word alert!). I do better when I don’t know how much something weighs.

Damned show off.

I mention this to point out that if I swoop down and want to fly off with a 250lb. man I will. Not in a sexual way. I’m not cradling him in my arms as he wraps his arms around my neck and swoons. But if I need to snatch some asshole off the streets and then drop him from the sky I will. Why? Because he did something bad. I think.

But that good guy shit would last for about two days. After that its nothing but robbery. Not even armed robbery because I can fly so fuck you. I like to think that I would be a good guy if I could fly. But that’s total crap. And dull.

"Ray & Thomas: ZKM" Part 4

Working vehicles are harder to find. Many vehicles are electric and there is very little power left. Though the employees have long since abandoned their posts, power plants are still running. Those who believed that technology was the reason the Zeta infection were created began destroying these plants. Any gasoline that is found is immediately burned for fuel and heat. In Los Angeles heat is abundant. Very abundant.

“Its fucking hot” Ray moaned as he, Thomas, and Poe walked PCH. “Before either of you say anything, I know this is L.A and that it is always hot. But its too fucking hot right now.”

“Take a dip” Poe suggested. Ray stopped and stared at him. “What? You ain’t ever go swimming in the ocean?”

“Its too dangerous” Thomas said.

“Dangerous, my ass!” Poe laughed. “You hot you take a damned dip.”

“Who says ‘dip’?” Ray asked.

“I’m just saying that if you want to cool off you jump into the water” Poe replied.

“You first” Ray said. Poe scoffed and continued walking. “What? You scared to get wet?” Poe stopped. In a flash he was in Ray’s face.

“What you call me?” he asked.

“Nothing. I was just…”

“You were just calling me scared.”

“No, I just--Thomas!”

“Back off, Poe” Thomas said. Poe looked at Thomas from head to toe. “Back. Off.”

“Or what?” Poe asked. “Gonna kill me like you did the last guy you two hung with?”

“Hey, that isn’t fair!” Ray shouted. “He was--”

“Shut up, Ray” Thomas said. He and Poe had their eyes locked on one another. “Poe. Back. Off. Now.”

“Okay” Poe said as he raised his hands and slowly backed away. “Cowboy.”

“Thanks” Ray said. Thomas just watched as Poe continued up the road.

“Watch him” he said.

As the sun began to set Poe slowed his pace. He felt the blood rushing to his fists. He was used to constant battle. Ever since he could remember there was not a day he bled or caused someone else to. It had been hours since he killed anyone. And the voices of the dead that occupied his head were feeling lonely.


Later the moon rose and the temperature dropped they all decided to camp out on the beach. The reason Ray did not want to head into the sea even for a moment was because of the Floaters. As the Zeta infection spread many felt that they would be safest on boats, cruise ships, and planes. In almost every case one of the infected would be snuck aboard. Some did not know they were sick.

Some did.

As they began to panic and die thousands upon thousands of bodies filled the sea. Corpses, living dead and good old fashioned dead, washed ashore. Ray knew this and decided that he would not die this way. Before the Zeta attack his greatest fear was drowning which was replaced by Zeta attack. The two together did not comfort him.

“I’m gonna go for a dip” Poe said as he stretched and headed for the coast. Ray looked pleadingly at Thomas.

“I’m not stopping him” Thomas said and continued cleaning his guns.

“But…” Ray said.

“Look” Thomas said as he watched Poe undress.

“I’m not a pecker checker, man” Poe said.

“Jesus Christ” Thomas gasped. “His body…”

“I don’t wanna hear about what great shape Poe is--” and he stopped as he saw that every inch of Poe’s body was covered in scars. Claw marks, bite marks, and bullet wounds riddled his body. “What the fuck?”

“Look what I found!” Poe shouted as he chucked a torso onto the beach. “And its fresh!”

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Henry Thomas Sampson, Jr.

Today’s entry of Cool Shit Black People Invented is kinda hard for me. I mean, I know that his invention is very useful. Its just that I don’t use it. Millions of people do. I am the only person I know that doesn’t so that makes me, Dante, the weirdo. Well, that and my four foot long tail and knees that bend in the opposite direction. Besides that I’m totally just like all of you.

Henry Thomas Sampson Jr. created a device that some of you are using right now. Or you just did. Maybe you’re even using it to read this blog. Which would be weird because you wouldn’t be able to read all the funny shit I add in my captions. Sampson (“Fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Kramden, ‘cause it’s hard being Black an’ gifted!”) created the cell phone!

Dr. What? From Alex Hluch

My heterosexual lifemate Alex Hluch is obsessed with Dr. Who. Like, scary obsessed. He has a new series titled Dr. What that he needs funding for. You know what (get it?!)? Just click this link all up in here to go to the official site and donate a few bucks. You get cool shit for doing so.

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Joseph H. Dickinson

Once again I had a problem finding a picture of this weeks Cool Shit Black People Invented. This weeks invention is a good one by the way. Without it life as we know it would be completely different. I’m serious! If this guy hadn’t invented his invention parties as we know it wouldn’t exist.

Joseph H. Dickinson got the patent in 1819 for the record player arm. Now, I know a lot of younger readers are going “What the hell website have I stumbled onto where this Black dude talks shit to everyone and talks about fighting animals?” or “What is a record player?”

Dante Saves You: Robot Edition

Evil animals, crazy movie terrorists, giant monsters, ninjas, vampires, zombies, dinosaurs, and aliens. Is there anything left for me to teach you how to defeat? Oh. Robots. Whether they are from space or created by us because god thought it’d be funny to give us the ability to create us but without compassion, robots are bastards.

It doesn’t matter if they are big or small you cant reason with a robot. Begging does nothing since they use your tears for lubricant. So I’m gonna show you how to beat these things or at the very least hide long enough for your kids to be eaten instead. And this time shitting will not save your life. Robots cant taste. Sorry.

Dante Saves You: Evil Animal Edition

I’ve attempted to save you from zombies, vampires, giant monsters, ninjas, dinosaurs, aliens, and crazy terrorists. Now its time for you to battle nature! Nature is a motherless whore who wants to bathe in your blood and wear your penis for earrings. Kinda like that weird ass chick you dated in college. What was with her anyway?

So in this edition we will be handling Evil Animals. Sometimes animals are born evil. Just like people. Don’t believe me ask your mama about that uncle no one talks about. Once in a while nature will shit out an animal that goes beyond normal “I’m an animal and will only defend myself if attacked” and goes straight to “I’m gonna fucking kill your face just because I see you!” So now that you’re ready lets beat natures ass!

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Charles B. Brooks

I don’t think we appreciate how good we have it when it comes to technology. Like photos for example. No, I don’t think a Black guy created the camera. I say this because I cant even find a damned picture of the guy whose invention I want to discuss.

Back in the day, like way back, people would have paintings that made them look better than they did in real life. Like, if I had a painting I would have eleven rock hard abs and four arms. Because to me that rules. But this isn’t about me and my twisted fantasies. This is about Cool Shit Black People Invented.

Go See Chronicle!!!

This movie kicked all kinds of ass. White ass. Blacker ass. Latino ass. Ass ass. I know, I know. This isn’t a thing where I have seen so many shit films in a row or disappointing ones (The Help, The Iron Lady, The Grey, The The) and finally saw something awesome and got overly excited. I assure you. Chronicle was a fantastic superhero film and as soon as this shit is on DVD I am buying it!

The film is shot from the perspective of one of the kids named Andrew. Hey! No! Stop that! I know that there have been a bunch of movies that are handheld or security cameras but this isn’t like that. I’ll explain more later. So Andrew is the kid in school that is made fun of. He has an abusive father. His mother is dying. He gets picked on. Its my life in high school except my mother isn’t dying…quickly.

With great power comes great responsi--fuck that.

Andrew gets a big ass camera and walks around school and home filming everything, even his father beating his ass. For anyone that says that wouldn’t happen a chick filmed her parents beating her and it got out last year. Andrew’s cousin Matt likes him but knows that he’s a weird guy but tries to get him to open up and put the damned camera down. He doesn’t.

At a party one of the most popular kids in school, Steve, spots Andrew after he gets fucked with by a guy for filming his girlfriend dancing at a party. Steve and Matt found a hole in the ground where something struck. They head down into the hole and find this glowing rock that has like some weird…thing inside of it. Steve gets too close and his nose starts bleeding and suddenly the camera goes dark. I was ready to get pissed off when this happened but that shit was quickly shut down.

"This time it was the Black guy." Actual quote from the movie.

The scene starts back with all three of them practicing their new powers. They throw baseballs at each others faces until Andrew, who seems to be picking up on how to use his powers the fastest, stops the ball mid-air. They get nosebleeds when they use their powers too much and headaches. They try and get back to where the weird rock landed but cops have shut the area down because the ground collapsed.

Later when driving home some guy starts tailgating them and Andrew waves his hand smashing the front of the car and sending it off the road and into a lake. Matt and Steve jump in and save the driver. While Matt is calling for an ambulance Andrew is like “Was that bad? The part where I made the car do that?” and his cousin Matt is like “Yes! We need fucking rules!” No more public practice. Never on living things.

Between this and Twilight the skies of Seattle are a damned playground.

Steve calls them later on and shows that he has figured out that they can fly. After some failed attempts they are shown flying through the air playing football in what looks way too much fucking fun. Suddenly a plane comes out of nowhere, which they tend to do, and sends them crashing to the ground. They survive and Steve is super grateful to Andrew for saving his life. They become closer and Steve convinces Andrew who is ultra shy to enter the school talent show which he kicks ass in using their powers. Now he is popular.

At the party where they all get drunk Andrew almost loses his virginity but ends up vomiting on a girl. Its all downhill from here. Now everyone is back to making fun of him. He ends up seeing a kid that made fun of him and yanks three of his teeth out. He’s been sitting at home getting better at his powers. By this point you see that he is getting darker and losing control.

If you kid has this face...move. 

Later after a fight with his father Andrew leaves. Matt and Steve start to have nosebleeds and sense something is wrong with him. Steve finds him high in the air at a building being constructed and tries to convince him that he is his friend and to come with him. Andrew loses his shit and hits Steve with lightning, killing him because he's Black and his days were numbered. At the funeral Matt confronts Andrew who is using his powers publicly and flies away in broad daylight.

He doesn't like Transformers either. 

Andrew ends up using his powers to rob the guys who messed with him daily on his street. Brutally. He robs a gas station for money and ends up accidentally blowing up the place and ending up in the hospital. This is the point where some people say “Hey, this is like Akira!!!” to which I reply “Have you seen Akira? Have you actually watched Akira? For real?” If Akira was like this the film that is being done would be done. And according to assholes any movie that has a hospital battle of trouble (hey, Dark Knight had one!) is copying Akira. Whatever.

Andrew’s dad shows up and says that his mom is dead and its Andrew’s fault. Andrew is in a half coma and suddenly awakes when his dad tries to punch him. The room explodes and Matt, who is at a party with a chick I haven’t mentioned in this review until this point because she kinda annoyed me and is super bitchy, has a massive nosebleed and rushes to find Andrew who drops his dad from the sky. Matt saves him and flies up to face.

"Back door! Back door!!!"

Everyone is like “What the fuck was that?!” and I’m all like “I know, right?!” Andrew is completely out of his mind now. He is throwing cops in the air. Flinging cars around. They start fighting all over the city in the best superhero fight ever filmed. Why? Because there’s damage. The shit looks real. You see footage from security cameras and police cars. Andrew has Matt and the chicks car on the space needle at one point. Fuck, it was awesome!

Andrew lets Matt know that he is now an apex predator and that he can do whatever he wants. Andrew starts flipping SWAT teams around and kicking his cousin Matt’s ass until finally Matt sends a spear from a statue through his heart killing him. The cops try to grab him and he just flies off. He lands in Tibet, where Andrew always wanted to visit, and salutes him ending the movie.

"We're gonna be friends forever, right? Right...?"

This film was directed by Josh Trank and written by Max Landis. I started looking up Landis’ stuff and he has the funniest fucking video in Youtube called The Death & Return Of Superman (link should be in this area). This movie was cool for so many reason. I was ready to be disappointed a bit because of shit like I Am Number 4. I didn’t need to. Before I saw this my favorite superhero movies were Dark Knight and Unbreakable. Chronicle is now number two.

Watching them use their powers to fuck with people, each other, and the entire practicing sequences were entertaining as hell. Besides the slightly annoying chick with the camera I have nothing to bad to say about this film except the fact that it ended. I don’t want it to have a sequel or anything. I love it as is. Go see it as soon as you can.

Rosscast Episode 251: I'm Just Sayin'

In this episode I play some clips from The Joe Rogan Experience and discuss whether or not we can be better people, war, morals, random childhood information, how to raise your children, religious people make non-religious people nervous, and consistency. Click here to download this episode and here for past Rosscast Episodes. Enjoy!

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Alexander Miles

Something I’m starting to realize while looking up stuff for the Cool Shit Black People Invented is that people don’t like to give credit to Black people. While looking up the next inventor there are a lot of things that say he didn’t even invent the shit.

Blacks have created a lot of stuff that we use all the time and have no idea that they did it. Mostly because back in the day Black people didn’t get kudos for things. It wasn’t like “Thanks, Obadiah. If you hadn’t created this thing we’d all be falling to our deaths!”

Cool Shit Black People Invented: Frederick McKinley Jones

Back when I was a kid every February we would learn all about Black History. For everyone this month brings either joy or annoyance. I have to admit that for me back in the day it was a lot of annoyance. I mean I had a perfectly good reason.

As a Black kid I thought it was weird because many of my teachers were White and all we would hear was “People who looked just like me took your ancestors from Africa in chains, beat them, made them slaves, freed them, treated them like shit, and…now its March and we wont discuss this until next year!”

That was a total mind fuck for me as a child. Sometimes it was all about slavery and then other times we’d hear about the inventor of peanut butter or the cotton gin. As much as I love peanut butter and soft t-shirts there had to be something else that Black people made.

So one day I had to search. Surely Black people had to have done something else with their lives back in the day! Imagine my surprise when all of a sudden I found out that there was so much shit that we use every goddamn day that Black had invented. So this is the first of…well until this month is over of Blacks that created cool shit that you might not have known about.

Dante Saves You: Insane Movie Terrorists Edition

Okay, let’s see how far we’ve come. I’ve shown you how to mangle zombies, vampires, giant monsters, ninjas, dinosaurs, and aliens. This time we’re going to handle something though far more realistic and human its still difficult because of a crazy factor: Insane Movie Terrorists.

Some we’ll have to face on a plane, some on a boat, and some all around the damn city. Either way its gravy because I’m not all right in the head and I am willing to get you to do anything to save me. I mean you. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I will show you how to handle each of these nutjobs.