Sunday, August 10, 2014

Breastfeeding Outrage

“Oh, my lord she got her titties out!” the public cried. In a recent issue of Glamour magazine actress Olivia Wilde posed for an image where she is breastfeeding her son, Otis. Ignoring the fact that she gave her son an old Black man's name, people are offended that she had a picture taken of what many people consider to be a very private act. They think that this is something that should not be done in public while on the other side you have some that say that breastfeeding is natural and that when it is done it is nothing but a child being fed. Look. Okay. Look. Alright. Yes, breastfeeding is natural and a lot of women around the world do it. On the other hand breasts are cool and if one is exposed I'm gonna look. When I see a breast the fact that they're made for feeding children is low on my list of thoughts after “Oh, my god a boob!”, “Is she really doing that right now?!”, and “My mother didn't do that because I was an ugly baby.” You can say that I'm immature by thinking that and I'll say “Hello. My name is Dante. This must be the first time we've met.” I'm not even a huge fan of boobs but I'm still gonna look if they're out.

I hear people say that not only is breastfeeding natural, but breasts being exposed isn't even a big deal. In New York folks are running around topless for the right to be topless. Don't know how to tell you this but breasts are looked at sexually and always will be. If not there wouldn't be clothing that accentuated cleavage and such. In some countries going topless has just always been done and to them I say “You would be arrested in America.” There are a lot of things that are natural that if done in public I'm gonna stare at or be horrified. Here's a list.

Toenail clipping. Totally natural thing to do. Gross as shit in public! Why? It just is. I saw someone clipping their nails on the bus and couldn't believe that shit. I heard it before I saw it and slow turned like “Are you fucking shitting me right now...?”

Peeing. Anytime I've seen someone pissing in public I've wanted to kick them in the ass while they were doing it. Take that shit indoors! Speaking of which.

Pooping. Do I even need to elaborate?

Farting. Completely natural but can ruin the day of anyone nearby.

Chewing. People gotta eat. How come you eating so loud? Chew with your mouth closed, you animal.

It all comes down to personal preferences. What offends you might not be a big deal at all to others. I see chicks with their thongs or draws showing and a fucking Mardi Gras starts in my head and “Call Me Al” starts playing. Meanwhile some square is upset and saying how gross it is. So while I accept that breastfeeding is natural people need to also accept that some people are going to be offended by it or turned on. Maybe both because some folks can't accept themselves. Gisele Bundchen did one of these photos a little bit ago and people were upset as well. Oh, and I found out that there's groups of women upset that people keep shouting that every mother must breastfeed their children and they physically or mentally can't. I've heard mothers talk about breastfeeding and that shit sounds painful. I doubt I'd do it and wouldn't hassle my non-existent wife about it. And in case you're wondering, yes, Wilde's baby did pee on her dress.

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