Sunday, August 17, 2014

Johnny Panic: Therapy Champion Of The World Part 2

I got some more! Looking through these transcripts of therapy isn't as fun as I thought it would be. After reading this particular one I ended up flying to my brothers homes and moving them down the street. I think I'll let Ronica start proofreading these first because apparently I'm not as in control of my emotions as I thought. Remembering how my brothers treated me made me shout and wake up Milly. Now the whole house is mad. Meaning Ronica. Milly laughed her ass off.
Mr. Schroeder: You do not speak of your brothers often.
Panic: Nope.
Mr. Schroeder: (silence)
Panic: Is this the part where I volunteer information?
Mr. Schroeder: Yes.
Panic: (loud sigh) I'm not a fan of them and they aren't fans of mine.
Mr. Schroeder: Any particular reason why none of you are fans of one another?
Panic: They're dicks. I'm not sure what the professional term for that is. Asshole? Either way, they used to torture me a lot before I got powers. 
Mr. Schroeder: How so?
Panic: They used to find dead birds and chuck them at me when I was in bed.
Mr. Schroeder: Hence the fear of birds.
Panic: Maybe. I don't know. Its your job to figure that stuff out. Hence. I like that word. Hence. What does it mean?
Mr. Schroeder: As a result. That being so. As a consequence.
Panic: I think I just hate birds in general whether or not my asshole brothers threw dead ones at me. They're creepy. Like flying little dinosaurs. I slapped dozens of them out the sky once and had New York thinking there was a bird flu going on.
Mr. Schroeder: I remember that.
Panic: The city made me pay a few thousand towards bird sanctuaries afterward. Such bullshit.
Mr. Schroeder: How is your relationship with your mother?
Panic: I don't wanna bang her or anything if that's what you mean.
Mr. Schroeder: I would never imply--
Panic: I know. I'm just fucking with you. I talk to her all the time. She's the only person that never treated me any differently because of what I could do. She still made me clean my room even after saving three planes from falling out of the sky. She kept me grounded and all that.
Mr. Schroeder: That was kind of her.
Panic: Hence why I love her. Did I use it right?
Mr. Schroeder: Yes. Now back to your brothers.
Panic: There really isn't that much to say. The more popular I got the more they hated me. They just couldn't,  you know, like, hurt me anymore. They still accepted gifts I gave them all these years though. The dicks.
Mr. Schroeder: If there is this resentment then why do you buy them gifts?
Panic: Because they're family and my mom always told me family came first. There's a dirty joke in there just waiting to be found…
Mr. Schroeder: And your father?
Panic: (silence)
Mr. Schroeder: (silence)
Panic: (silence)
Mr. Schroeder: Johnny--
Panic: I win the silent game!
Mr. Schroeder: I take it you do not wish to talk about your father.
Panic: I don't give a damn about the guy. I've never met him and I don't want to. I thought after I got rich that he would come out of the blue and try to get some cash but that hasn't happened. Remember when that happened to Shaq?
Mr. Schroeder: Excuse me?
Panic: Shaquille O'Neal. He got rich balling and his dad showed up on The Ricki Lake Show. Shaq even rapped about it. “Oh, what do you know? Biological one's on the Ricki Lake show. What does he want, does he want money? What people do for money. It's kinda funny to me, he ain't gettin' no check from me, check it.”
Now this was a little bit before I found out that my father had another kid that also had powers named Dick Danger. I don't need to bring either of those assclowns up again because they suck.
Mr. Schroeder: I think you have done good today.
Panic: Me, too. Hence the smile on my face. Ugh…
Mr. Schroeder: Is there a problem?
Panic: Just heard an explosion. Guess I better see what's wrong.
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