Sunday, March 8, 2015

Dante Vs. Nature 50

A photographer named Martin Le-May from Essex got a picture of something that is driving the internet crazy. There are certain things that cause this to happen. A cat that looks upset, kids high after going to the dentist, a goddamn dress, and now this image of a weasel riding a woodpecker. How come this happened? 

Le-May had this to say about his photo. “I heard a distressed squawking noise and feared the worst. I soon realized it was a woodpecker with some kind of small mammal on its back. I think we may have distracted the weasel as when the woodpecker landed it managed to escape and the weasel ran into the grass.” That sucks. Who knows how long that weasel spent trying to catch that bird? If you told me to catch anything in the hopes of riding it that didn't start with “ho” and end in “bo” I wouldn't be able to. And this thing caught a flying creature! Incredible. But it worries me. Why? Because I'm Black and animals make me nervous. If I can't eat or pet it I don't want nothing to do with it. Same rule applies to women. Next thing you know other animals are gonna start teaming up.

Like this! This is something that will happen soon. Using my Pixlr skills I have combined two creatures to form God's Last Gift. I present to you...Bear Whale! Whale Bear! Wear! Bhale! Mark my words, one day these beasts will darken the skies. You think bird shit on your car is bad? Ha! Imagine what'll happen when you start your car up and three hundred pounds of poop cover your vehicle. 

Bears will one day make their way to the ocean and befriend the whale. At first they'll be all like “You're weird, fur creature of the land” and the bear will be all “You are strange, elephant of the sea.” Then they will both realize that they have bonded over the love of fish and the whale will offer the bear a ride and boom: poops on your car. It can happen. Damn. This coffee is powerful.

Click here for previous Dante Vs. Nature.

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