Story Behind The Photo 21

When I went to see my family after four years of keeping away my mother busted out some old pictures. One of the pictures I found was this one of my, my sister, brother, and Grandmama (big G like she the President). The thing I love about old photos is that when I see them I remember everything that led up to it happening. This image is strange because I am wearing shorts and a hockey shirt. I don't like hockey! I wear shorts once every five years. I was about 16 or 16 years old when this was taken. I think 16 because this is the second house we lived at on this street. The couch that we are on is one of the two I had in my apartment that didn't have to be brought in through the window. I don't know why Grandmama is there because none of us are wearing Easter clothes or anything and she rarely just showed up. This is a pretty good mental image I have of her. Even though for the last few years of her life she stopped dyeing her hair red I still picture her with it and the same type of glasses she wore since I was a kid.

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Story Behind The Photo 20

I went on a hike today at Echo Mountain in Alta Dena today. Cam and a few people she knew and worked with came so we all gathered food for a picnic at the top of the mountain and then got going. My brain is all off because we went on a Friday morning which I am not used to. Every other time we went it was Saturday mornings right after I got off working graveyard shifts. So we start the hike and it is rough. The higher we get the more trouble I am having. Not in the normal ways like having sore legs or a bad back. I started to just feel off.

We got past the one mile point and I groaned. I know a mile is nothing but its all uphill and with winding paths. It looked great but as we kept going I started sweating more. Cam suggested I take my sweater off but I wasn't feeling normal hot. I had water and she gave me a Gatorade which is another reason why she's my best friend. After we got to these huge towers I leaned against it and my body was like “Stop here.” I rarely listen to my body and push it further than I should but its usually mentally. Physically I'll do dumb shit I shouldn't and get hurt like a few months back with broom ball on ice.

Story Behind The Photo 19

Back when I was about 16 years old me and my girlfriend at the time decided to go get pictures taken. You wouldn't think it from as many pictures as I take now but back then I hated taking pictures. I would avoid picture day. There are no high school photos of me and I made sure I was never in the yearbook. I didn't even buy a yearbook so against the memory of school I was. One day she asked if we could go to this spot in the Beverly Connection. I was like, okay, and put on one of my new shirts. This one was a light money green and as you can see I was swimming in it. At this time I was about 150 pounds soaking wet. I look like a strong wind could carry my ass away.

We get there and I think its gonna be a photographer there or something. Nope. Its just a room and you press a button and pose and then the picture is taken. We took a few and I am glad that I saved this one just so I can admire how fucking manly I look now. You stop laughing back there!

Story Behind The Photo 18

The other day was my late brother Kevin's birthday. I've written quite a but about him because fuck you I loved him and he was cool. This is a picture I took today of these shirts that were made after he died. Even till this day I have not worn it and I have two. Not sure how I got two but there you go. They look weird. Its just his head floating in the ether with the year he was born and died there. It always seemed so depressing to me. When I die I want people to wear a shirt with me looking all spry and jumping in the air or something. Not just my head. Someone needs to let my mother know this so I don't end up an even more vengeful spirit.

I have never been huge into ceremony. Having to do all kinds of salutes and wait turns and such has never appealed to me. My brother's funeral was the first one I've ever been to and we ended up having two of them because the mausoleum he was being placed in wasn't finished being built. So the next image is from funeral part two.

Story Behind The Photo 17

I have very little initiative when it comes to involving others in things that I do. I consider myself rather dull with extreme bursts of nonsense that hopefully is recorded for proof that I'm alive. My best friend Cam is the opposite. She loves planning events and things for people to do together. I cant very well invite folks to come and iron clothes with me or watch hours of fights on Youtube. So a few months ago when she came up with the idea to go hiking once a month I was so down with it. Yes, people still say “down.” The pictures were provided by Cam and Donna. 

Last month we went to Kenneth Hahn to hike and it was awesome. Besides the fact that lots of hot chicks were involved it got me out of the house. There was this one hill that Cam affectionately called “The Murder Hill” that we thought we avoided. We went one way and it led to La Brea, a street, so we turned, hiked back, and went up this sumbitch. It hurt but we survived, went and had a great breakfast, and headed home with plans to see a movie later.

That so didn't happen.

Story Behind The Photo 16

About three years ago I went to the library with Cam to play with kids toys and draw on the ground. No, not because I'm just some hooligan that just combs the city streets looking for ways to cause destruction. Usually. I would go to help out with the Easter events, Halloween, and festivals. I miss doing that. It gave me an up close and personal view of the enemy: kids. This first image is me trying to get into a ball pit. I want one and cant have it so when I have the chance to get into one, whether I fit or not, I'm getting in the damned thing. So I did. Or tried. Either way it was fun. I'm looking at this picture and am pissed knowing that I don't own those pants anymore. I think I tore the ass out of them. And that shirt is falling apart because I had it for way too long.

Story Behind The Photo 15

This is the official first image of Pretty Ricky. Me and Cam were in Westwood doing some shopping and there was this $3 shop that we were in and I saw this thing just calling for me. Why did I want it? I have no idea. I saw it and got it. We rode around Beverly Hills singing Blondie songs and scaring tourists as a very happy curly haired chick and her large Black male friend sang “Heart Of Glass” at the top of their lungs. This was one of those days that I look back on and remember so many details. I was so damned happy just being a weirdo with my bestfriend. This wig inspired me to make Pretty Ricky a character on Doom Mates and you all know how that went. Pretty Ricky has a Prettier Than You series and has even been on Tha O Show. I wish I had this day on tape. Why do we not have that technology right now? Stupid planet.

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Story Behind The Photo 14

This is me when I was 16. I was new at Fairfax and hated it for a hundred different reasons. One of them is pictured in this picture with me. He was my photography teacher. Meaning he charged me to buy photo paper and film and spent his free time asking if I were gay, had ADD, or talking about his shitty marriage. This man single-handedly made me hate photography. I was like “Sure. Point. Shoot. Develop. Whatever.” Of course I’m better now and take pictures all the time. But goddamn if I didn’t hate this man.

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Story Behind The Photo 13

"Do you work tomorrow?"

And so began the trip to San Francisco. It was a Friday night and we had all gone out to the club and dancing. Let me try and remember who all went. Me, Fish, Engineer, Scholar, Pirate, and maybe a couple other folks I cant think of right now. I had gotten so wasted. It was a nice drunk though. I was still functioning.

I was laying in Fish's room staring at the ceiling and enjoying the feeling of being bombed. Scholar, Pirate, Engineer, and Fish were in Engineer's room hanging out. I heard bits and pieces of their conversation.

Story Behind The Photo 12

Back in 2007 I was still doing my cool ass Thanksgiving dinners. These were fun because most of the people I invited had never knew one another but they had one thing in common: Me. In this picture young Alex Hluch is fixing my bed. Why is he fixing my bed? Was there some sort of frisky evening that damaged my bed? No. Alex had tried a wrestling move on me called a Spear. I’ve been watching wrestling for 30 years now. I know how to take a Spear. This time I oversold it. “Overselling” in wrestling is when you exaggerate something that has been done to you. There’s a Hulk Hogan/HBK match where this is done embarrassingly.

Story Behind The Photo 11

I’ve written before in a previous post about the fact that I used to move dead bodies when I worked at the hospital. This picture was taken right before I hopped on the bus and went to work. As you can tell by the look on my face I was very not excited to go to work. This was obviously after I had food poisoning since my neck is so skinny. Yeah, I got food poisoning and lost about 60lbs. while employed there. There’s no such thing as a good day at the hospital. There were just days that sucked a little bit less than others. The only things that helped me survive were Alex, drawing, and books. I took the bus to work listening to my Discman and knowing that I would be seeing head wounds, blood, vomit, and corpses. Oh, and I had splits days off meaning I stayed home Tuesdays and Thursdays. Good times.

Story Behind The Photo 10

A few years ago I went to a Petco in Inglewood where they have weekly pet adoptions. I went because my ex who thought that I was going straight to hell (she probably still does) wanted to go and look at the animals. I worked in a Petco and I hate going to places I’ve worked. But I went because sometimes I like to pretend that I am a nice person. So we go and there’s a ton of kittens and some older cats. The kittens are insane as most kittens are and there were these two cats together. The lady that ran the adoption place told me that they were brother and sister and she wanted to keep them together. I let her know that I didn’t need their life story because I was there to look and not buy. But in reality I said “Okay” and looked at the cats. She said that the boy wasn’t friendly. So of course as soon as I tap his cage he gets up and starts rubbing against my finger.

Story Behind The Photo 9

Years ago I used to say that I wanted a giant tattoo like Vega from Street Fighter. I didn’t want anything on my arm or nothing. Just a giant snake that went all around my body. Of course I didn’t get that…or did I? No, I didn’t. Over time I figured that I was over 30 years old and if I got a tattoo it would be my form of a mid-life crisis. Then last year my friend who is a tattoo artist convinced me to finally get one. I decided upon Skulduggery Pleasant, The Skeleton Detective. I love the books and the design and one day while reading it I said to myself “This is it.” I always tell my friend that there is a lot of stuff about tattoos they don't tell you are complete lies in films. It takes a long time to heal. Good places don't tattoo drunk people (booze makes you bleed more). And not all tattoos are completed in one day.

Story Behind The Photo 8

A couple years ago I went skating with my cousin and her nieces. This is the same cousin that took me to Medieval Times where I got stank ass drunk. No, I was not drunk on skates. God, that would be a disaster just waiting to happen. I had not been on skates since I was like 6 or 7 and even then they weren’t mine and I wasn’t any good. I’m sure my big ass feet didn’t help this situation. We went to World On Wheels for this and it was one of those situations that made me question my judgment. As soon as I stepped in there and saw people flying around at the speed of Kenyans I decided that I wasn’t skating. Then I put on the skates and took one step to confirm this. My cousin was like “Boy, come on!”

Story Behind The Photo 7

Back when I was in junior high I attended this school called Mid-City Alternative. It was a very tiny and strange school on Adams and Arlington. If you live in L.A and know that area you know the school was built on a damned hill. Anyhoot, the school had classes like swimming, gymnastics, African dance (that’s for a whole ‘nother blog…), bowling, and hiking. I had hiking like three times. This is for all the people out there that try and get me to go hiking acting like I’m not a pro at the shit. I’ve probably hiked more than most of the people reading this unless you’re a professional hiker in which case: get a real job.

There were two teachers. My favorite was David. He was this bearded guy that also did photography. This is the main reason why I even have pictures from junior high. In this one I am posing triumphantly in a jacket that my oldest brother gave me. I lived in that jacket. I didn’t care if it was hot I wore it because it ruled ass. I also noticed that my shirt is tucked in which is very uncharacteristic of me. Guess I wasn’t too concerned with my junk being exposed. Or its because I had an awesome belt with a “D” on the front! Yeah, that must be it.

Story Behind The Photo 6

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Story Behind The Photo 5

Look at the smooth ass skin! Like a little Halle Berry. But male. This was me at the age of 7. Look at how bright and open my eyes are. I still had hope. I remember this day so vividly because I absolutely had to stay clean! Usually when I went to school I’d race, climb on the monkey bars, and pretty much sweat like a nasty ass little kid. I knew I had to stay nice and clean for photo day. Photo day was the most important day of the year because if I got dirty I knew that would be my ass when my mother saw the photos. So my mission was to keep away from every other child in school until I took a picture.

Story Behind The Photo 4

This is a picture of me at the age of 16 displaying my ability to fly. I wish. Seriously. Do you think that if I could fly I would be sitting here not being able to sleep before heading to work on one of the most popular shows on television? I was new at Fairfax Magnet and when you’re part of the Magnet program you have to take certain art classes. I failed actual art about three times (yes, I draw till this day and have even designed tattoos for people and been published in a newspaper so fuck you, Miss Kim!) and had to take photography. Maybe this class is what made me dislike the career choice of taking pictures. “You just point and press a button. Not really art to me.” I still feel this way about photography 85% of the time. I cant help it. I’m sure some people feel the same way about drawing and writing to which I say: Swallow me.

Story Behind The Photo 3

Meet my lovely lady. Back in 97’ or 98’ when I was still thin, couldn’t really grow good facial hair, and was in a magically delicious relationship, I went to Halloween Haunt at Universal Studios for Halloween. I didn’t go on Halloween but around the time. I went with my ex and a few other friends and had a great time. This evening proved that if I think that I’m in danger “Women and children first!” goes right out the goddamn window! If you were in between me and an exit when I’m being chased you’re nothing but an object keeping me from safety.

When we got there they immediately start chasing your ass. Yeah, I got on some rides and stuff but I’ll be damned if I didn’t spend the entire night running from monsters, killer clowns, and dudes chasing you with chainsaws. Big, loud ass chainsaws. My friends and I ended up in a maze and as soon as it started I took the fuck off! I was using my friends purses as a way to pull them behind me so I could pass them. I ended up running full speed into a wall, bounced off, and kept going. If that wall was any thinner I would have plowed right through that shit.

Story Behind The Photo 2

Back when I was around 13 and getting ready to get fat again my parents decided that it would be a good idea to move to 78th Street mere minutes away from where the L.A Riots began. At least it was after they happened. During this time I had my first in person girlfriend. My first two were over the phone. Don’t ask. Anyhoot, my girlfriend had a working Nintendo and let me borrow it since she had it in storage and never played it. That smile on my face is real and I have no idea who took this picture.

I would sit in that ugly brown chair (which would jackknife my father every week when he leaned back too far) and play video games and make lanyards for hours. On top of that TV is one of many two foot long lanyards I would make. How I don’t have arthritis I will never know.