Stupid Flakka User & Horse Bangery

Some people just need to be pulled aside and spoken to by Jesus or someone that is concerned about their mental well-being. This 19 year old chick from Florida, of course, named Daneshia Heller was arrested after making a call to cops. I know that sounds crazy but give me a moment. She called police because she wanted to buy some weed and gave a dealer $5 and he never came back with the drugs. When police showed up they found a bag of white substance on her. Turns out she had some flakka on her which is a crazy ass new drug that I've written about before. She was charged with misusing 911 and drug possession. 

She had been arrested in the past for violating the terms of a bond for a battery charge in the past. When I went looking for an image of her I saw about three different images of her. That is never a good sign. At the moment she is still looked up with no bond. You'd have to already be high to call cops because when you are calling them because you made an illegal drug transaction and got ripped off you just have to take that loss and hope for better luck next time. And why have an even more dangerous drug on you when waiting for the cops?! Its like drinking beer in the drivers seat while reporting that you were involved in a hit and run.

Rachel Dolezal Catfishes Reality

Here's a Black woman wearing a green shirt! This Rachel Dolezal story is everywhere and is entertaining as all hell. I know that this is a serious issue and whatnot, but, come on. This is the plot out of an 80's film. Soul Man to be exact. Yeah. Google that shit and you will laugh, be offended, share it with a friend, then forget you learned about it from me. Selfish bastard. 37 year old Rachel has been outed as a White woman that has been passing herself off as Black for about seven years. She released a statement saying she will make a statement. Yeah. That's a thing that folks do now.

She says she was born in a teepee in Montana and lived in South Africa where her parents hit her and her siblings using a whip used to chase baboons. “They were pretty similar to what was used as whips during slavery.” I just heard someone say “...the fuck?” She says she was raped. Also, an ex husband used to beat her and her son. No reports of any of this is anywhere to be found. She claimed one of her adopted brothers as her son.

While You Were Sleeping: Kalief Browder Suicide

Last week 23 year old Kalief Browder of New York committed suicide after mental issues caused by his time spent in solitary confinement. Honestly, I had never heard of this guy or his story. I'd heard some like it but not his in particular. When he was 16 years old he was arrested for allegedly stealing a backpack. He never stood trial and was never found guilty but he was sent to Rikers Island for three years. His family could not afford the $10,000 in bail (some say it was $3,000) so he stayed in prison for three years.

He was beaten by the police, other inmates and while there (which there was footage of) Browder spent over 400 days in solitary confinement. He tried to kill himself a few times while there.In 2014 Mayor Bill de Blasio used Browder's case as an example of the broken system and declared that they would clear backlogs in courts and reduce the amount of inmates. After being released Browder earned his GED and started going to community college but still had trouble living a normal life.

Kids These Days 56

Back when I was little fights would happen for close to no reason Well, no reason as an adult but as a child these were considered fighting words. As a grown up people will scream “Fuck you!” at other people while driving in their cars knowing full well they wouldn't do it if they were face to face with them at a grocery store. There was no internet when I was little so if you had something to say to someone you did it to their face or told that one friend that repeats everything you tell them even when they promised not to.

Ya Mama. Oh, shots fired! (loud Jamaican horns) Even if you didn't care for your mother all that much just having someone reply to a comment with those two words was enough to get a fight started. You would always keep this one loaded in the chamber during an argument with other kids. 

Often times if someone just kept talking shit you could just keep replying with “Ya mama” or “Yo mama.” No matter what they said, even if saying it made no sense, for some reason it would work. Sometimes too well because the next thing you know you're rolling on the ground with a kid that you know haven't bathed in days before being pulled apart by a teacher. I don't even think there is an adult translation of “Ya mama.” If you meet an adult that is angered by this phrase chances are they have spent time in jail or stopped making their own thoughts when they were about 10 years old. Bonus points if their mother wasn't around or if she had an afro with a chinstrap.

What People Care About This Week: McKinney Pool Party Chaos

Last week video came out from a pool party in McKinney, Texas where a bunch of Black teens were being rounded up, handcuffed, and threatened with more force. There are a lot of people involved in this story which means that we'll never know the entire truth of it. If you have three teens you'll get five stories and once you involve police you just multiply that by two.

I watched the video and the first thing I thought was “This cop wants to fuck someone up!” When you see officer Eric Casebolt come barrel rolling into the shot you know from the start that he is not there to make peace. He's not there to calm everyone down and find out what's happening. He is excited that he gets to exert force. I'm a cop. You're not. Get wrecked. Well, turns out he got a little bit too turnt up and now he's resigned before the investigation into this while he was on leave was done.

Best of Black Prophet Volume 1

Years ago I was a part of one of the best internet based radio programs called Tha O Show with hosts Big Daddy Donnie and Dan-e-o. I was just a fan and one day got the chance to enter a contest to become a writer for the show sending in articles. I didn't win that but I got the chance to play an on air character, Tha Black Prophet: The Prophet of Rage.

Donnie gave me a call after sending in my article and he had an idea. Me being me I said I could do it even before I knew if I'd be able to or not. That's how my brain works. So we did the first take and I got no response. Turns out they needed silence for recording. Donnie had me do it again but said “Sound angrier.” It worked. The rest is history. Terribly offensive history.

Its About Comfort

There has been a lot of stuff in the news regarding the human body and its appeal and health. No, not the usual bullshit that I tire of hearing about like how everything we put in our body is toxic but was fine before articles began telling you it wasn't. Or how no one knows what the words organic or natural mean. Or what it truly means to have lactose or gluten allergies. This is about two separate people in the news for different reasons.

The first is plus sized model Tess Holliday also known as Tess Munster. She is 5 foot 5 and has the size of 49-49-52. That last bit of information means nothing to me because lady sizes are confusing to me. Please, don't waste your time explaining them to me because I'll forget moments later. She is known as a body-love activist and started the hashtag (pound sign!) #EffYourBeautyStandards. “I created the hashtag because I was tired of being told what I could and couldn't wear by the media and how I should cover my body because of my size. I decided 'eff that,' I will wear what I want!”

Some are saying that her weight is unhealthy. Other support her confidence and say she looks beautiful the way she is. Me, I say it comes down to comfort. If she was in a point in her life where her size made it so she couldn't do what she wanted to do it'd be an issue. 

“I understand not everyone understands what I'm about. But to me it's such a simple concept. It's all about loving your body regardless of your size and chasing your dreams.” she said. Most things in life aren't an issue until you make it one. As far as I know she stands there and has pictures taken of her body for money.

Dante Vs. Nature 52

Nature is a hot hooker with a police badge hidden in her purse. You can think you are safe from it and then the next thing you know you're being written about by some random ass Blacker halfway across the globe. This 22 year old American chick was killed by a female lion after having her window somewhat rolled down during a tour of a place called The Lion Park in Johannesburg, South Africa. The guy driving the car was hurt while trying to fight off the lion but he ain't dead.

Scott Simpson who is the assistant operations manager at the park said “We had a gentleman and a lady driving with the windows wide open. The lion came through the passenger side window and attacked her. The man sustained slight injuries trying to fight her off. Our staff working at the top of the camp tried to get the lion away from the car. Ambulances were called immediately but it was too late.” He then passed the back saying “We make it so clear. We put signage up everywhere that people must keep their windows closed. We hand them a slip of paper when they enter the park; I really don't understand why people think its OK to leave windows open.”

Teacher Suspended Over Facebook Rage

This high school teacher in Alabama went H.A.M on some students after a prank that they pulled. Me, I'm not a prankster. I like watching them depending on what they are but am fine never being a participant. Cindy Stephens is the teacher and band director at Sylvania High School where four recent grads decided to use a spreader to put chicken shit all over the road around the school. Cindy didn't appreciate that literal shit and went on Facebook to vent. Don't ever do that. I don't even know why teachers have Facebook these days because it always bites them in the ass. 

People in the community were upset at what she wrote. Me, not so much. I mean, what these former students did was stupid and what she did was stupid but I probably would've said worse about these kids. She has been suspended with pay while they pretend to not applaud her actions. Here is what she posted on her page.

Kids These Days 55

I know that when I do some of these posts I talk about all the good things that kids nowadays don't get to have that I did and feel bad for them. But there are some things that kids today are lucky they don't have to deal with like terrible candies and snacks that existed back in the day. There were some things so bad that the tastes still exist in my mind's tongue. I have found five of the ones I think were the worst ones. Mind you, this is just candy. There were plenty of other things that went in my mouth that tasted terrible. Wait...

Flavor Aid. You poor bastard. Figuratively and literally. If someone told you they had Kool Aid and you got this you got your first taste of actual rage as a child. This was more like Fool-Aid than anything else. 

You would have to add so much sugar to make this drinkable you might as well have just threw it away and just drank sugar water. It tricked you because it looked like it should be sweet but it didn't even smell like Kool-Aid. It smelled like a beach. Venice Beach. They wouldn't even send this shit to starving children. If you've never had to drink this because you could afford the real thing or because you just knew better count yourself as lucky. And don't be fooled by its claim to contain vitamin C. That's a lie and a half. I'm sure herpes has some useful vitamins in it, too. 

Teacher Shows New Breasts To Students

This 34 year old high school teacher in Virginia named Melissa Kidd is in trouble for showing topless pictures of herself to some students at school. Mind you, this is Evil Dante writing this so most of what I say will be pretty horrible. This is the case when a story involves a female teacher doing something that me at the ages of 7 – 18 would've enjoyed. Yes, I said 7. I never had that whole “Ew, girls!” phase in my life. Well, maybe now I do. But back then no. Now that that's out of the way I'll continue.

Kidd is being investigated for indecent liberties with a child by a person in a supervisory role. That's a long-winded ass way of saying corruption of a minor. This all happened back in March and the police want to search her phone now in May. According to the investigators Kidd showed the students, two of them are 18 and one 16, before and after pictures of her breasts at school. Idiot. You have to know better than to show kids these days that kinda shit. One of the students said that Kidd showed full butt booty ass naked pictures of herself. She was placed on leave after the school found out and then resigned from the career and technical education department.

Over Served Man Dies

A bartender in France was convicted of manslaughter for doing his job: getting someone stank ass drunk. Gilles Crepin served 56 year old Renaud Prudhomme 30 shots of alcohol which he drank in a minute because fuck rational thinking. He did this to beat a previous record of 55 shots which was posted at the bar called Le Starter. Should be changed to Le Finisher. 

In case you're wondering just how much booze that is, its about 2.4 liters. The closest image to that is a big ass jug of Mr. Clean. Its a lot of any liquid let alone alcohol. Prudhomme's daughter said that Crepin encouraged this dangerous game and should be held responsible for the outcome. Yeah...no. There is this crazy thing called personal responsibility.

Ron Haskins has a great statement about it saying “Personal responsibility is the willingness to both accept the importance of standards that society establishes for individual behavior and to make strenuous personal efforts to live by those standards. But personal responsibility also means that when individuals fail to meet expected standards, they do not look around for some factor outside themselves to blame. The demise of personal responsibility occurs when individuals blame their family, their peers, their economic circumstances, or their society for their own failure to meet standards.”

Only In Florida 14

Its time to bring this back. I've been doing more Florida based stories but not having them in this segment and that's just silly. This 46 year old mother (and its a hard 46) named Rachel Salters was arrested for attacking her 12 year old son with a bag of potatoes. Yeah. That is a thing that happened. It started when he asked her to make him some dinner and ended with an attack. No reports say what was said that happened in between those two actions which I think is important to know. When Rachel started hitting the kid, let's call him Spud, with the bag he ran into the bathroom and locked the door. 

Well, that wasn't stopping Rachel who Kool Aid Man'd her way through the locked door and continued hitting him with the bag. When the bag broke because shit is cheaply made nowadays, she started throwing individual potatoes at him as he hid between the toilet and bathtub. When police arrived and asked her about the bathroom door she said “I don't know.” Then after she was arrested she said “I didn't hit him with the potato, I only threw it at him!” That feeling you just had? That's called confusion. She also stated that it isn't a crime that she hit him because she only threw the potatoes at him. Spud was not hurt and Rachel was charged with felony child abuse and tampering with evidence for moving potatoes after cops told her not to. 

Barbecue Rib Fight

There are some people you can just look at and know not to fuck with them when it comes to food. Let's take 45 year old Sabrina Davis of Indiana. At 5'7” and 256 pounds she obviously is a fan of snacky yum-yums. So when the daughter of a lady hosting a barbecue tried to stop Sabrina from taking the last rib she got a fork to the eye. I'd never try to take barbecue from someone six inches shorter than me but 36 pounds heavier. Angela Watkins, the last brave woman on Earth, told Sabrina that she was taking “all the food.” By the way, this is such a Black thing to say. We will accuse you of eating all the food and letting out all the heat. 

Sabrina wasn't having that shit so she stabbed Angela in the eye with a fork. Sabrina said it was self defense because Angela had grabbed a knife from the dishwasher. Angela moved the pan away from Sabrina and the heavens quaked since they knew that violence was now on the menu. If I was in the kitchen I would have moved the kids behind me and told them to prepare to have a story to tell to their children. Sabrina ended up with a felony of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon. Angela's left eye was swollen and bloodshot. The one question that wasn't answered is the most important: Who got the last rib?

Salad Tossing For Freedom

This 52 year old lady from Louisiana was arrested for first being violent then being nasty. Well, its nasty because we know what she did but if this happened in her bedroom she'd be a champion. Diane Thomas was arrested after she beat up her boyfriend. By the way, if you're that age and have a “boyfriend” you both better have an agreement that marriage is garbage or just accept the fact that you two are roommates. When the cops showed up and the boyfriend had scratches all over him she told cops that her man was a bitch that he got in her face so she “beat his ass.” She also told cops that she couldn't go to jail because she “has a good job.” Then she took things to Freaky Town.

As she was handcuffed she told the officer “If you won't take me to jail I will get on my knees right now. Officer I will even lick your butt hole.” Now...this is why I'm not a cop. Why? Because I would have taken her up on her offer. I know I'm terrible! She was charged with misdemeanor domestic abuse and then felony bribery. She made the $5,000 bond and is back on the streets with the world knowing she is willing to toss salad to not go to jail.