Monday, September 22, 2014

Three Breasted Woman Doesn't Want To Date

This chick in Florida by the name of Jasmine Tridevil has gotten elective surgery for one of the silliest damned reasons possible. As she puts it “I got it because I wanted to make myself unattractive to men. Because I don't want to date anymore.” Now, this is just dumb for multiple reasons. Adding an extra of what people like is not a way to turn someone off. I bet if I got an extra dick there would be at least 1,000 women that would want to try me for the story.

This surgery cost her $20,000 as well as her dignity. “It was really hard finding someone that would do it too because they’re breaking the code of ethics.” I wonder where she found a doctor terrible enough to go ahead and do this. I guess for that much money he would've given her wolf ears if she asked for 'em. “Well I am crazy” she said in an interview. “Crazy people don't know they are crazy, so technically since I know I'm crazy I'm not crazy.” I wouldn't call Tridevil crazy. Dumb? Yes. Crazy? No. Not even close. She currently works as a massage therapist (this is where I raise my eyebrows so high my glasses move). She also added “to me it just feels like another boob. The only difference is the nipple, that doesn't feel like the other ones.”

Her family has recently distanced themselves from her which I can't disagree with. I know there are parents out there saying that you should support your child no matter what they do. That's because you don't have a daughter running around with a third tit! “My mom ran out of the door. She won't talk to me. She won't let my sister talk to me. My dad...he really isn't happy. He is kind of ashamed of me but he accepted it.”

Tridevil's end goal is to get her own reality show on MTV. She has already started having herself filmed and calling it “Jasmine's Jugs.” Cute. “My whole dream is to get this show on MTV. I'm dumping every penny I have into this. If this doesn't work, I'm through.” She says she is not doing this to get famous which contradicts everything she is doing. It'd be like me running down the streets of Beverly Hills saying I don't want to get shot by police.

Let's pretend for a second that she isn't delusional and really wanted guys to stop coming onto her and not wanting to date anymore. There are plenty of free ways to do that and none of them involves any kind of surgery to make yourself look like something out of a bad action flick. Here are ten of them.

In movies: Ha! In real life: God, no!

1. Propose the idea of getting an extra boob to a guy. Any man that thinks it's a good idea is not someone you want to date.

2. Keep doing whatever it is you're doing with your makeup. That is not a good look.

3. Tell him you want to be on reality TV. As someone who has worked in it for four years I don't even want to be friends with someone who wants to be in front of the camera on one of these shows let alone date.

4. Admit you still watch MTV.

5. Tell people that you don't want to date anyone. Getting an extra body part just to turn people off is sillier than the fact that slavery lasted longer than one day. There are people that are into whatever you hate most about yourself.  

6. Continue posting selfies of what you don't want men looking at.

7. Stay in Florida.

8. Tell him your last name.

9. Tell him about how your third nipple has no feeling when he tries to hit on you.

10. Brag about how strange and different you are on your Facebook page while being just as insecure about yourself as every other human being...that doesn't have an extra boob.

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