Thursday, April 24, 2014

Dante Bitches About People Magazine Most Beautiful Person Kinda



People Magazine released their choice for the most beautiful person of the year. Last year it was Gwyneth Paltrow which just drove me crazy. There are a lot of Paltrow apologists and that's fine. You have the right to be wrong. This year they chose Lupita Nyong'o. For those of you that don't know who she is you didn't see 12 Years A Slave for which you can be happy that you have those couple of extra hours of your lives. She was also in Non-Stop for a moment or two which caught me off guard because I thought they would've pushed the fact that this award winner was in it.

I didn't know much about this chick so I did some research. Like, real research. Turns out she was born in Mexic City, Mexico and identifies herself as Mexican-Kenyan. If you'd asked me I would have said that she was just from Africa. Not just her parents, but her. She's 31 years old and speaks about four languages. When she was 16 her parents sent her back to Mexico for half a year to finish learning Spanish. She ended up living a good chunk of her life in Kenya as well. Now that we got facts out of the way it is time for me to introduce my thoughts. This is usually the part where people start texting while I'm talking.


She said in an interview that she grew up thinking that “light skin and flowing, straight hair” was what made women desirable. That hasn't changed no matter how many fine ass short haired women get famous and do good things. I love when a woman has short hair. She gets ready faster, I can be more touchy, and we can share hair care products. Don't get me wrong. I think Lupita is pretty as fuck. That's a compliment in case anyone is wondering.


She looks like fun and someone I could actually hang out with as opposed to other hot ass chicks like Scarlett Johansson where I would just do nothing but stare at her until she felt uncomfortable and left my ass. Lupita looks like someone you went to school with and thought was but and grew up and got pretty.

One thing I find interesting is her size. I'm not telling her to gain weight. But if she were, say, Jennifer Lawrence, and had the same build people would have her on the cover of every magazine screaming about how she was too thin and that an intervention was being planned.


I just hope she doesn't do any movies involving slavery, wild shit, or gets typecast. I don't want her to be the female version of that guy who is a slave in almost every movie he's in. I don't even have to ay his name and I am sure you know exactly which guy I am talking about. I just checked her IMDB and she is supposed to be in Jungle Book. Goddamn it! Funny. Scarlett is listed as being in it too. That's too much for me. I'd have to watch that at home or punch a hole in my bag of popcorn. Congratulations to Lupita for winning this honor. I think. I want her to be in a kick ass action movie next. I've had enough of watching her get her ass kicked by Magneto.

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