In the past I have said that I wish a chick was obsessed with me. Of course it would have to be like in the movies where she is cute and goes from church girl to porn star just by removing her glasses. This chick, 30 year old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa of Thousand Oaks, took the wrong route with her obsession with a guy she met online. She tried sneaking into his house through the chimney like some sex crazed Santa Claus and got her dumb ass stuck. A neighbor heard her whimpering and crying before calling 911. They heard her at 5:45am and by 8:15am she was free...and then arrested for illegal entry and giving false information. They ended up having to lube her with wine and stories about how strong they are. Or dish washing liquid. Both seem plausible. Her bail is set at $2,500 and she is due in court today.
The guys house that she was trying to get into is someone she had met online and went on about six dates with before he broke things off. God, I wish I could interview him and hear why he decided to stop seeing her. I bet she hinted at marriage. Try that shit too soon and a guy will leave faster than a tree. He met her online, people! Chances are he wanted to get some action and just wasn't honest about it because its the internet. You only have to be sorta honest. Hell, you can lie about your sex if you want.
“It's actually the second attempt for her trying to access the inside of my house, from the roof. Which just goes to show you, you have to be careful who you meet online.” Now he has to have his chimney repaired. Genoveva's family say that she is a good person and has offered to pay for the repairs. If someone I knew was busted for pulling this shit and I was interviewed on the news the last thing I would say is that my friend is a good person. I'd probably say something more along the lines of “I don't know what the (beep) they were thinking.”
It is funny that people still tell me that I should try online dating. You all have fun with that. To me the internet is a place where everyone wants to be the most interesting person in the world and will say anything to prove it. Of course most of it is lies, but by that point they already got the draws. Take Twitter for instance. When I see someone constantly retweeting others it just says to me “I have nothing interesting to say myself, so let me repeat what someone else is saying.” No one is entertaining or interesting all the time but we can pretend to be online. Why would I want to trust my love life to that? Are there success stories? Sure. There are also people who have fallen from ten story buildings and survived. But I'm not gonna try it.