Thursday, October 9, 2014

Surprise Boners

There are certain actresses that for whatever reason suddenly flip the script on my ass. Like, one second they are just there doing what they do and all of a sudden I like them. The earliest example I have of this happening is with Alicia Silverstone from The Crush. I remember watching this with my friend when we were maybe 14 years old. I knew who she was from small parts on TV shows and her face bugged me. But while watching this movie something changed.

Pictured: Black man kryptonite!

There is a scene where she is riding a horse and being an asshole. The movie is about a crazy ass chick that messes with an older man then goes bananas. Great movie. So anyhoot, she is riding a horse and wearing this outfit and suddenly I grew hair in new places. I was like “Man, I can't stand her with her stupid beautiful hair, cute crooked smile, and legs that won't quit. Wait. What?”

These are a few women that over time grew on me or changed to the point where all of a sudden I was left with surprise boner, which by the way, is the most frequent type. The more you know.

Jenna Fischer

I have seen this chick on that show The Office a few times. I'm not close to being a fan of the show or her character on it but I knew who she was when I saw her in Blades Of Glory. In a scene where she is trying her best to be seductive I suddenly thought “ come why?” I don't even like lingerie, especially this super frilly ass type. But for some reason it works. Perhaps because she is so damned awkward in this scene.

Da Brat

This chick was notorious for being very boyish when she first came out. I actually said “This boy looks like a cute girl and I don't know how to feel about that” back in the day. Thankfully she turned out to be a girl and I didn't have to have an uncomfortable conversation with my parents solidifying what they already suspected. Brat grew up hot. Very dangerous, but hot. Like every grown ass woman should be.

Khloe Kardashian

This should come as no surprise to anyone that reads my gossip posts. Out of all the Kardashian sisters she is the one I would most likely want to spend more than two minutes around. It doesn't hurt that she has a history of liking men that look like me and there are no tapes of her boning for me to look at. And she isn't as tall as she looks in pictures. She's 5'10” so she is a few inches shorter than me which means she can wear heels around me. That shit is important to women. If she says it isn't she is lying. She also told me to tell you to shave your balls.

Serena Williams

Now, Serena has been built like a brick shit house for years but this was not always the case. She and her sister were not what I would call attractive when they were growing up. What with their braces and hairstyles I hadn't seen since 2nd grade I was not impressed. But then almost overnight...wa-pow! Her body is what she is known for after her tennis playing. She has occupied my desktop screen more often than a “Windows needs to update” pop-up.

Lisa Bonet

The dark Cosby. And by dark I mean so light it was funny they tried to pass her off as a member of the family. Growing up I didn't think much of her other than she seemed like the kinda chick I would end up with. I'm not the only one that agrees since she ended up married to one guy every woman wanted to bone and dating a guy every woman wants to use as a chair. And don't even get me started on how hot her daughter is. Don't! Stop it! Okay, fine. Click here to read about her. But Lisa grew up and the older she got the more she seemed to fit what she was going for earlier in life. She's 46, looks 25, and acts 100. Its great.

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