Wednesday, January 21, 2015

One Less Yoga Pants To Check Out

There is a Christian blogger named Veronica Partridge that wrote a post about no longer wearing yoga pants in public. Now I for one love yoga pants. Behind short plaid skirts and shirts that don't quite fit yoga pants are the best thing to happen to my eyes in terms of women wearing clothes. Yoga pants are like short women with wide hips: a gift from the gods.

I mention that Veronica is Christian because that is how she presents herself and her blog. You'd never know what religion I follow unless you stumbled into my closet but by then its too late and the living floor consumes your soul and only then shall you know what true fear is. She made the decision to stop wearing yoga pants/leggings in public after talking to her husband. By the way: I don't know the difference between yoga pants and leggings. I'm gonna always refer to them as yoga pants the same way I call my chair a couch and beige burgundy. Deal with it.

“Was it possible my wearing leggings could cause a man, other than my husband, to think lustfully about my body? I asked my husband his thoughts on the matter when he got home. I appreciated his honesty when he told me, 'yeah, when I walk into a place and there are women wearing yoga pants everywhere, it's hard to not look. I try not to, but it's not easy.'”

Yes! A million times, yes! Its not secret that legs are my favorite part of a woman's body. Yoga pants eliminate the middle man known as jeans and gets right down to business. Yoga pants say “Hey. Look. That's right. Legs.” Be worried if your husband wasn't checking out women in yoga pants because that would mean he is either a gay, blind, or a liar.

You know when I don't check out women? When I am tired of them. There are times when I am just sick of the whole liking people thing and don't wanna look at a woman that is attractive. Otherwise its a free for all where I will look at women that aren't even hot and find something to like. I will look at chicks in yoga pants when I don't even want to! And her question is silly. No matter how hot or special you think you are your husband or even wife is looking at someone else and picturing them naked.

Your wife is in the shower picturing herself being deep dicked by some huge Black guy that has a hog the size of your arm while your husband is picturing himself heaving on top of a chick younger than your niece. Its science. Nothing you can do about it. Of course, yoga pants don't help but you not wearing them in public just makes them that more enticing. Your husband is gonna be like “Oh, she is wearing the pants today. It must be Tuesday! Sex night!”

By the way, when someone says they appreciate your honesty they don't mean it. I have never said that sentence and felt better. Assholes say “I appreciate your honesty” because they asked a question that they really didn't want to know the answer to but got the answer they wanted you to give. Say it out loud now and listen to the sounds an asshole make.

The blogger now feels better and says that her “conscience is clear” after making her decision to deprive everyone that is not her husband of looking at her tight ass. She also feels that she is “honoring God and my husband in the way I dress.” Meh. I wonder how God feels about that nose piercing, lil missy!

“Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD.” - Leviticus 19:28. 

There are also some quotes about our bodies being temples and such. I have no problem with someone having tattoos or piercings. The more the merrier. But I do have a problem with people using the bible to dictate how they or others should dress and such. This is me bitching just to bitch. I don't care what this woman does with her clothes. I feel bad for her husband who had to have this conversation with his wife. I'd love to be asked this question by someone I was with.

“Huh? Looking at that girl that just walked by in yoga pants? No, I wasn't looking at her at all. Seriously. I didn't notice her clit piercing or anything. You know I only have eyes for you.” If you are even asking that type of question you know the answer! Leave people alone!  

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