Sunday, January 25, 2015

Who The Hell Is Delvin?

My name is Delvin and this picture was taken while hiking at Kenneth Hahn by Donna Williams. You all know me as Dante, your only Black friend, him downstairs, Chocolate Hammer, or whatever terrible things you say behind my back when I'm not around. But my real first name is Delvin. Like Melvin with a D. Now, I didn't choose to be called Dante. Every guy named Dante, spelled in whatever weird ass variations they use, have been assholes. I've never been able to get a solid version of where this name came from or why it was given to me.

There have been a few versions. A guy that one of my mother's friends used to date. A football player. I was gonna be named Damien but thank god that didn't happen. Damien's are worse than Dante's! The reason I was not shackled with the name Damien was because my mother's friend told her that it was the name of the devil child in Omen. Funny that she went with Delvin which is a single letter away from Devil and Dante which, after Damien, is the second name most associated with hell. Go figure.

I found out that I was a different human being after coming to school late for the first time when I was 9 years old. This may have been one of my last days at my elementary school and I went to the office to get a tardy slip. I had never had to get one of these before (yes, I was that kid) and after a few minutes of them calling for this Delvin kid that I'd never heard of they alerted me to the fact that Dante was not my first name.

My world was rocked.

I was like a zombie all day at school. When I got to my Grandmama's house I called my mother at work and just shouted “Delvin?!” to which she replied “Ugh. I hate that name.” Over the years I've never gotten an answer that satisfied me as to why I was given a name that I would never have found out about until I was 16 and got my first ID card.

I've often wondered what my life would have been like if I were a Delvin 24/7. Like if I never went by Dante. Chances are I wouldn't have since so many of them sucked. Maybe I would be far nerdier than I am right now. I've had my dick touched enough times to say that I was very sexually active at one time. Maybe Delvin would not be able to say the same thing. Or maybe...Delvin would be a dick slanging monster. Maybe Delvin would be the smoothest son of a bitch this side of Pico Blvd. I actually created the character of Delvin on my Doom Mates series based on that terrible assumption back in 2010.

But I'll never know. I used to say that when I went to a new school or started a new job that I would go by Delvin instead of Dante. The problem is when I hear my name said out loud by someone I don't respond to it. Its just a strange sound. That's about it. By the way, you should check out Kiyoshi's new book Autonously Yours by clicking here. Its really good and will make your pants tight at all the wrong moments.  

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