Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Lane Bryant Spits Fire At Victoria's Secret

Lane Bryant is a clothing company made for plus sized chicks or the second category I hit up when I search for porn. They have a new campaign with a tagline of “Sexy is defined by EVERY woman, not SOME” along with the hashtag, or pound sign as those of us over 30 call it, #ImNoAngel

This is obviously a dig at Victoria's Secret and the models that they call angels. Why the fighting between two good things? Its like blowjobs and butt sex arguing over which is more desirable. I've had to go shopping at each of these places and I can tell you from personal experience that shopping at Lane Bryant is not nearly as embarrassing for me. With Victoria's Secret I was with someone that was looking for stuff while I stood there practicing my “I'm not looking at any of these colorful draws on the mannequins, I assure you!” face while at Lane Bryant I was looking for sweatpants and a shirt for my mother. Hell, there are chicks that shop at Victoria's Secret that should check out the selection at Lane Bryant. Hey. This is the honesty circle, okay? We do not lie here!

And while we are in the honesty circle let us not pretend that every plus sized chick, or BBW as Pornhub categorizes it, is built like these chicks in these ads. There are some girls too big for Lane Bryant and Victoria's Secret yet they find ways to get into what could technically be called a thong but is more like a rubberband being stretched beyond its limits. I'm not saying that to make bigger chicks feel bad. There are a ton of big chicks and most of my friends think that if you wave a big girl in front of me I'll start slobbering and clapping like a mongoloid baby. Wow. How many people can I offend in one post? 

In reality there are big chicks that I consider fucking hot and wouldn't want them to lose a pound as well as skinny chicks that could benefit from a few plates of bacon. No one is perfect and there is room for all shapes and sizes in this world. For every big girl out there there is a guy, or girl,  just waiting for you to sit on their face and tell them that you love them. Be big. Be small. Just find shit that fits.  

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