Monday, April 6, 2015

Florida Man In Walmart Equals Trouble

What's up with this kids angled chest hair? That's actually the least of his concerns. 20 year old Taylor Davis of Florida (naturally) was arrested because he was following a woman in her mid-30's that he found attractive at Walmart. I'm not done. While he was following her around he was jerking himself off through a hole he had in his hoodie because women love that shit. Security spotted him jerking it in the infants section. After checking the video they saw him wiping his man gravy on three packages of Hefty bags and flinging it on the woman. While he was doing all of this he was also listening to porn on his phone. He admitted that he has a problem and that he also does this while at Walt Disney World! Yeah. Get that image out of your head. 

He is on unpaid leave pending on what happens with the investigation. He was charged with criminal mischief and disorderly conduct and posted $750 bail. He may get some extra charges tacked on if more people come forward saying they found some mysterious baby batter on their bodies after visiting Walmart. Between the fact that this happened in Florida and at a Walmart it is surprising that this doesn't happen weekly. There should just be an aisle for guys like this. Dudes who get this horny make me question my libido. I'm just never that riled up.

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