Tuesday, April 28, 2015


When I was 8 years old my parents were taken by aliens. No one believed me and the older I get the less I believe myself. I mean, I was a kid. I still believed in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny...and Dracula, the Wolf-man, and Frankenstein. I'll be 18 soon and these creatures that have been pretending to be my parents for the last decade need to die.

I've been studying their behavior all of this time and while they appear normal for the most part I have noticed a few things out of the ordinary. They have developed a distaste for salt and sugars. When I asked each of them why we were no longer allowing snacks that had them in the house anymore mom said “diabetes” and dad said “high blood pressure.” 

Either way, crumby food was kept in the house. They also got an aversion to bright lights which meant the house was now dark. I'm not talking regular dark. As close to pitch black as you can get dark.

When I first confronted them with my theory they put me on medication. Adderall, Focalin, Concerta, Quillivant XR, Ritalin, Vyvanse, Intuniv, Kapvay, and Strattera. All these did was harden my resolve. My parents knew that I knew that they knew something was up.

Its easy to get a gun today. You don't have to even see anyone. You just order them online. And that's what I did. I had to leave school early for three days to get the mail before my parents got home. So now here I am sitting on the couch in the dark waiting for them arrive. 

And when they do they better admit that they have been changed.

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