I was talking to a friend a few months back and we got on the topic of balloons and OCD's (obsessive compulsive disorders). I'm not sure how we got there but we did. And what was weird about this conversation is that we both realized that we hated balloons. I really hate balloons. They are unpredictable and things that are unpredictable can not be trusted. I searched and there is a name for fear of balloons. Its called Globophobia.
“Globophobia is the fear of balloons.
Most people who suffer from globophobia usually have phonophobia as
well, which is a fear of loud, sudden noises. Globophobics tend to
avoid parties and special occasions such as funerals, birthday
parties, weddings, or any other festivities that may involve balloons
as decorations. Globophobia is not as common as other phobias, but is
still experienced by many. Generally, globophobics will refuse to
touch, feel, or go near a balloon for fear it will pop. Globophobics
tend not to trust people who have a balloon in their hand or anywhere
near them, especially children. Some globophobics are fearful of
going out because they feel scared/anxious that there will be a
balloon around the corner.”
There are a few things about this
definition that is funny to me. Funeral balloons? I have been to
three funerals and I can't recall any balloons. Perhaps there were
some but I fail to recall them seeing as how dead family were my main focus. And the fear that a balloon is gonna
just be waiting for me around the corner trying to ruin my day. And
fear may be too strong of a weird.
I hate balloons.
At any moment the damned things can
just pop with no warning. If I'm around balloons I won't run away but
I will stare at them waiting for something stupid to happen. If you
put one in my face thinking its funny to watch me squint I'll likely
hit you because you're being a dick. Let me talk about that for a
moment.
I have friends that have things that
bug them, they are afraid of, or makes them sick. I avoid doing these
things or warn them about them. I have a friend that is terrified of
cockroaches. So if we are hanging out and I see one before she does
I'll move her away or shove her like I did the last time we hung out.
What I won't do is show her pictures of them or point them out to
her.
The earliest memory I have of looking
at a balloon and thinking “I don't like where this is going...”
was when I was at a cousin's birthday party when I was 5. She was
turning 6 and there were a bunch of kids. There was this one boy who
was squeezing a balloon like it owed him money. I moved away from
him. Minutes later he's running around popping every balloon he could
get his hands on. You may say I have issues but this kid had a
subscription.
As I am writing this all out I'm
starting to think that my dislike of balloons may be connected
somehow with my dislike of having happy birthday sang at me. I will
cringe like a son of a bitch if that song is sung at me or not even bring up the fact that it's my birthday. To me
hearing it over the phone just makes me uncomfortable. Singing it at
me in person makes me hiss and scratch like a cat with a squirt
bottle.
Don't bring balloons around me. Its not
cool.
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